I've touched on this subject before, but you really do have little chance of a sublime existence if you're an animal here.

Pet dogs in Huwei tend to simply lay in the sun outside their owner's shop all day, inches away from having their snouts flattened by speeding mopeds.

As for the stray dogs seen about, these seem much busier than British strays. Whereas your average unloved Mutt in England will wander around sniffing bins, stealing food and having various garden tools thrown at it by irate residents, strays here are rarely seen ambling around. They have things to do!

I've seen them, on a mission, making quick time, and with a determined glint in their eye. I think theirs in the best life.

Pet dogs, you see, can't even be guaranteed safety if they have a home. Take my student Eddie for instance (no, he's not a dog himself, bear with me...). When he was child and poor, his family one day ran out of food, and so he simply suffocated their hound with a plastic bag and everyone ate it for tea. Worse still, he recounts the tale as one of "the best experiences" of his life!

Sometimes I get scared...