As cute as they are, the weather pixies just aren't accurate enough. In fact, sometimes they just blatently lie. So, how about this one instead...?

I know, its not as pretty. Let me know.

Ok, so now to find an original, cheap (in fact, free) crafty ideas for the kids to make this week for mom's day. It must be something that the mums will love, and something that will make them love ME. Man, I find getting on with the parents the hardest part of the job, you know. I thank my lucky stars that I don't have much conversing to do with them, as most of them don't speak english, but I still have to make quite a big effort with them... if only we could deal with just students - how much easier would that be?!

So, something easy to make, that looks professional and will make her say "aaah" is required. Something with flowers on. Something pink. There will be something out there, if I find anything good I'll share..

P.S. Mr.Ex is not speaking to me. Did I mention he is immature? I have tried and tried to just say hi, how are you, I hope you are OK and he is blatently blanking me. Ah well, no skin off my nose.

Superpills or no superpills, I've got to tell you... Life is good. Mainly because I'm in the Caribbean, I reckon. I was just walking home from school this afternoon thinking how fantastic it is to be able to leave work and take a stroll down a palm-tree shaded street with a warm tropical breeze and cute birdsong coming from somewhere. The sun is strong, but if you don't walk fast you'll be 'right. There are three trays of ice cubes in the freezer waiting to be doused in (full sugar) Pepsi, and a lovely cool shower waiting for you, too. Oh yes, my friends, this is fine.

So don't let me leave...

And Happy Friday - hope you have a good weekend.

Holy macaroni! I thought it was about time I started topping up the old vitamins, so I tucked into these...

What on earth are they?? They look like little subs - how wierd. And good grief, not only do they have to cram every vitamin known to man into them (half of them aren't even needed) they also stuff each pill sandwich-style with minerals and micronutients and erm - 10 million probiotics. I wonder if they'll give me like - super powers or something... um, no Jessi.

What's next? Little jiggling multicoloured ones?

P.S. Holy macaroni is not something I would ever actually say. It comes from a friend of mine. Just so you know I haven't completely lost it.

Another Iraq-related one, though not a funny.

The best resignation speech I've read. Outlines the reasons war's uncalled for, but leaves his bombshell for the very last line. Great, well done Mr.Cook...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/2859431.stm

I haven’t mentioned the conflict with Iraq on purpose, if you wanna go into it there’s enough out there.
However, I can’t resist when someone puts something together that makes me chuckle. So when I came across this little gem, I had to share..

So, we split up on Friday, and I spent a miserable weekend thinking about him. Then he peacocks in to work on Monday looking Drop Dead Gorgeous. Wearing the shirt he knows I like, wearing his hair the way he knows I like and smiling/being charming to everyone, even me. On Tuesday it is the same story, and then again today. What does this mean? Is he saying “I am over you.”, “I want you back.”, “I want someone - quick!!”…
I refuse to believe that he was so unhappy with me that this groomed, happy display is an expression of ecstatic relief. He never made that much effort before we got together.
Any thoughts?

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned, but in the Dominican Republic, the car horn is used like a sixth gear. Only they mostly drive automatic, so that reference didn’t work.

(off the subject – I drove an automatic for the first time recently – so strange! I don’t think I’m sold on the idea though, not enough vrrm factor)

Then, as I was walking home I noticed a lot of walkers and joggers going in circles around and around the monument. It struck me as bizarre that people around here never walk anywhere – they take cars, bikes, public cars, taxis, conchos, buses etc. and think it’s crazy to actually walk anywhere. They even laugh at me going everywhere on foot! Then, when 5/6 o’clock comes they don their ‘gear’ and they do their ‘exercise’. In boring circles. I guess it’s the same in most countries, but why, people? Why?

Today's instalment features an example of my most advanced class's writing from last Saturday's lesson.

We played a Consequences kind of game, whereby each student writes a sentence of a story, then passes their paper one student to the right. Each student can only ever see the very last sentence, so some pretty funny stories were born.

I'm sad to say this one isn't the funniest (that would be the one where a mother reprimanded her son for doing badly on a test, only for him to respond by 'slashing' her with an axe), but I lost the rest of them. Doh!

So, without further ado...

'Once upon a time, a silly boy want to flew up the sky.
So he use the leaf wing, flew up. the sky.
Then an airplane bump into him.
He burnt and shouted.
Oh ---- No! Fire is everywhere.
It's big trouble.
I really worried about the problem
But I think this problem can be successful solved.
The End'

It's great to know my 'teaching' efforts are making such a difference.

... in the Dominican Republic ...

(sorry to copy, but it's such a good idea, couldn't resist.)

1 - to see up to eight or ten people in one car. These are ‘public cars’, the most popular form of transportation around here. Mainly I think because it only costs 7 pesos (about 20p).

2 - for men to have more than one woman on the go. In fact it’s expected. Yuerch.

3 - to find yourself dancing to/singing to/enjoying outdated tunes (and I’m talking sometimes 20 years outdated) that you would scoff at at home, just because you can underdstand the words and you know the tune.

4 - to hear a torrent of expletives coming from my shower at 6:45 in the morning, every morning. Try rolling out of a nice cosy, warm bed, turning off the fan that doesn’t really keep you cool anyway, padding barefoot down an open-air corridor (yes it’s warm) and taking a horrendous shower in ICE COLD water. Then try it when you are half asleep and then you will understand.

... in Taiwan....

1 - to see an entire family of four (mum, dad, kids) on one scooter, the youngest kid being stood on the foot plate staring directly into it's parent's crotch.

In addition, Phil claims to have seen the same procession only with the driver also holding a small baby under one arm!

2 - to feel like an eejit for forgetting to put used loo roll in the bathroom bin rather than down the loo.

Not to get into too much detail, but I've been regularly forgettful and this week spent 20 quid's worth of NT dollars getting my toilet taken off, unblocked and reconcreted. Halfway through this work, my Taiwanese student Eddie (who'd helped me call a repairman) left a sign on my bathroom door reading thus: 'Be carefully Matt. No poo-ing'.

Fantastic stuff.

3 - to shout 'No Chinese!' in class at least 100 times a day...

What is the point in having relationships? They are a lot of hard work, you are required to constantly take another’s wishes into account, you lose a huge proportion of your independence and when you don’t get on with your partner, you are miserable. Then of course, when you eventually split up… you’re even more miserable. I just don’t get it.

The next relationship I am forced into I am not getting emotionally involved. No way. Too much trouble and heartache for me.

Bitter? Me? At this time in the morning? Don't be daft!

Whoopee. (Sarcasm) Tonight has been fun.

My boyfriend ex-boyfriend behaved so badly this evening that I had to tell him the relationship was over. Yep. He was that bad (I know – two/tango/etc.) that I couldn’t see any future with someone who can pull a strop in two seconds flat and act like a four year old in a temper for two and a half hours. Man! So I had to do the dirty.

It has been building up for a while though - his behaviour has been such a turn off and I’ve been hoping it would get better, but it didn’t. I’ve never met anyone like him, and in grave danger of sounding too in-the-aftermath-bitter-and-resentful I’ve got to say… Oh my god! I’ve never met such an immature and selfish person! So really its a good thing that we have finished, I wouldn’t have been able to cope in the long run. Why do the best looking ones always turn out to be such *******s?

And so the relationship is dead, long live the relationship.

On the upside (more sarcasm) I took my mother to the airport tonight for her return flight to the UK, so there’s something else to feel a wee bit sad about, too.

“This evening” she said in her best west country accent, “I shall be mostly wearing big puffy eyes and smeared mascara”.

(as copied down from a sugar sachet in a coffee shop)...

SUGAR

Forget not yet the tried entent
Of such a truth as I have meant ;
My great travail so gladly spent ,
Forget not yet !

Genius I thought...

Last Sunday Clare and I were invited to the engagement lunch bash of a very nice Chinese English teacher from school. A very eye opening affair.

Basically the small roadway at the side of her family's house was turned into a mini pavilion, filled with about 100 or so friends, family and, I'm sure, stragglers off the street looking for a free feed.

At one end of this tent her father compered some very dodgy and loud karaoke singing, complete with immense PA system, while at the other the catering staff cooked up some seafood creations in giant woks.

On arriving we were both welcomed into the teacher's bedroom (as, like many at the age of 26, she has always lived at home). This was unexpected, and we felt pretty priviledged. The strange thing with Taiwanese houses I find is that the lack of any carpet means (to me anyway) they lack a little cosiness. Having said that, I'm sure by mid-summer, the lack of carpet will seem a laughable issue to be pondering...

The teacher and her six girlfriends had been up since the early hours getting her ready in a resplendent red dress, wad of gold jewellery and fancy hair do. Her husband to be meanwhile (whom I must note, she's known for maybe three months) appeared in a rather smart suit and strangely enough, white gloves, rather like a younger and more professional-looking Chinese Paul Daniels.

Our teacher pal had insisted I go along so she could introduce me to her Taiwanese girl friend Vicky, who comes from the Southern city of Tainan. As it turned out, I hadn't even woken up enough to realise which girl she was until just as we were leaving, when she was pushed onto some photos me, Clare, and the teacher were posing for. Apparently I should consider meeting her in Tainan for the day, which I might well do out of pure nosiness really (and because getting the train there on my own makes me feel like a proper traveller!).

I'm purposely not talking about school right now, 'cos the little 'uns are driving me insane...

These were taken the night Renee and Nicky (S.African ladies) tried to teach us to dance. Well, in actual fact they did dance with Phil but with me they politely pretended that I didn't keep falling over my own feet...

Below: two left feet...

Below: Me, Renee, Nicky & Phil.

Wow, Monday again, how depressing!!

That was an excellent weekend. We've been in the sun, sat on a beach, swimming in the sea, snorkelling and eating copious amounts of food. Great.

After work on Saturday, Todd and I set off from Huwei at around 10pm in the dentist's huge 3-litre Nissan heading for Pindung, where we picked up Clare from meeting her Taiwanese friend (read: nutter) called Jackie. After a late night coffee and sandwich stop that lasted over an hour, we hit the road again for Kenting, a town on the Southern tip of Taiwan, next to a national park and quite a touristy destination.

Because it was around 4am when we finally arrived, we had little energy for putting up the 8-man tent we'd borrowed, so we just lay on the white sandy beach and pretended to sleep (I was happy just seeing stars and breathing fresh air to be honest).

We woke up to hear the sound of two voices we recognised coming from the tent next to us - an Ozzie and his Taiwanese girlfriend who live near Huwei and who we'd met a couple of times before. Later in the day we also ran into another S.African teacher from Huwei - I guess we all needed a break from the smog!

The next day was spent eating brekkie, being generally burnt by the sun, swimming in the sea and (a first for me) snorkelling around the coral at the side of the bay. That was great and I'd very much like to do it again, although I did experience a few Jaws-related seconds of serious panic as I stared away from the coral and out into the deep blue, convincing myself that I could soon become something's dinner.

Above: Kenting beach... nice huh?

There were lots of foreigners and backpacker bums (I mean that affectionately) kicking around Kenting, along with scuba shops and 'I've been to Hawai in this' camper vans.

There were also some Taiwanese on the beach. The Taiwanese approach to water-based fun takes some getting used to though. For instance:

* Forget how old you are. If a little wave comes chasing after you then run, whoop, holler, laugh and act as though it has NEVER happened before, and that includes just a minute before when you last whooped and hollered!

* Do not under any circumstances remove any item of clothing or get changed before entering the water. Firstly, you'll get exposed to the sun, thus losing that lusted-after white skin tone. Secondly, you'll also lose that drowned-rat look that your fellow countrymen expect from you after a day at the beach.

* Don't go any deeper than your waist or make any pretence at swimming. It's not the Taiwanese way. Remember, if you can drown in your bathtub, just think how dead the ocean could make you!

* If you are of student age (i.e. 18 upwards), concentrate on covering each other in sand. Alternatively, make a highly innovative sand castle which spells out the word SHIT and then show it to other beach dwellers as a serious source of pride.

I should go, as I've not planned any of today's 'lessons'. Pesky kids...

Below: Matt & Todd go/eat crackers...

Below: Clare, her Taiwanese mate Jackie and Todd, following a delicious feast in Kenting.

So I can't make a long post, have to spend every last available second with her.

=)

I wish I had such grand tales of adventure to give you as Mat does. I don't however, and today I'm a bit short on the old creative front and won't write a novel about what news I do have. And so, news - 1) National Independence Day celebrations at school tomorrow, have made loads of glittery and colourful and glued and taped and stapled things, 2) Came across another flasher while out walking the other day, glad about that, was feeling neglected (Uhuh), and, oh yes, nearly forgot... 3) my mummy is coming tomorrow! Hurry up mum, I need some hugs and kisses.

Phil had departed the previous night with local dog-killer Eddie for Sunday morning worship in Taichung.

Clare and Todd this morning set off in borrowed car for a small traditional town the name of which I instantly forgot.

Meanwhile, I listened to some new CDs, ate lunch, and then headed out into the ever-increasing heat with the aim of getting public transport to Tainan, 90 minutes south of Huwei.

As my student Cecilia visits her mother in Tainan each Sunday, I was assured a lift back to Huwei later that evening, so off I set, a packpack-sporting adventurer looking to learn. My plan whilst in Tainan? To buy some sheet music and sax cleaner (and who knows, maybe even more CDs?).

In highly typical fashion, the day's first real challenge led to my first premium botch. Although I wowed the cashier at the bus stop with my amazing Chinese by fluently requesting a ticket, I didn't request one to correct town, but instead ended up in the nearest city of Tou-lio.

After getting off the bus, I had a confusing few minutes trying to work out how to find anything resembling a city centre and indeed a train station. I was just in the process of resolving that if need be I'd lay down right there on the ground, sleep until the next morning, then try again when I felt more energetic, when some knowledgeable Yanks happened along and soon enough I was in the train station revising my ticket-buying technique!

Tainan, again, was great, with Cecilia playing the perfect Taiwanese host. She showed me the best shops (though no sax cleaner today), and bought me dinner - Japanese curry.

An interesting point to note: the Japanese curry houses in Taiwan apparently claim that their curry style comes from the UK. Now I guess the UK style of nosh comes in fact from Pakistan and India via the folks that moved to England a while back. So, I was eating a S.Asian / English / Japanese / Taiwanese authentic chicken curry. Balls to the origins anyway, it was mighty tasty.

So, I spent copious amounts of pennies on more CDs and decent winter clothes for my eventual return to the UK. This little spree took place in 'Mitsokoshi' - a huge Japanese department store with end-of-Winter-sales throughout. Think Rackhams, only bigger, cheaper, and with less snooty staff. Cecilia had seemingly spent just about every Sunday for the last ten years on its various floors honing the art of spending and feeling good about it, so I was far from lost.

Roll on next weekend. It's a national holiday here on Friday (Peace Day, which came about yrs ago when a big war ended. I'm not sure which one though, I'll try to find out...). This means we're all planning to do the usual Sunday domestic stuff & gubbins on Friday, then on Saturday after work Todd is kindly borrowing a car to drive us down to Kenting at the Southern-most tip of Taiwan. This means Saturday night spent camping on the beach and all day Sunday lounging around on the white sands and swimming in the sea. I absolutely can't wait!

First off, sorry. I have tried to post every day for the last few days, but the net is too slow at the moment.

And so. The students have been acting up recently. Little things, nothing serious, it's been quite funny really. And then I found this!;

******

How to annoy your teacher.

Ask to go to the bathroom every 10 min.

Keep dropping your pencil/pen on the floor and say clumsy me

Slam your book against the floor

Get up and blow your nose everytime they are up teaching you.

Everytime they cough you cough too

******

Gee thanks guys!!

Also today - I have just been told that two Christmas cards have arrived for me. It is February 22nd. The postal service out here is impressive.

Edit: The christmas cards really were christmas cards! They were postmarked 16th December in the UK and then 22nd February in the Dominican Republic - they must have been brought over by kayak. Thanks Rachel and Gaz, and Mike and Claire, I miss you, and Merry Christmas!

I've touched on this subject before, but you really do have little chance of a sublime existence if you're an animal here.

Pet dogs in Huwei tend to simply lay in the sun outside their owner's shop all day, inches away from having their snouts flattened by speeding mopeds.

As for the stray dogs seen about, these seem much busier than British strays. Whereas your average unloved Mutt in England will wander around sniffing bins, stealing food and having various garden tools thrown at it by irate residents, strays here are rarely seen ambling around. They have things to do!

I've seen them, on a mission, making quick time, and with a determined glint in their eye. I think theirs in the best life.

Pet dogs, you see, can't even be guaranteed safety if they have a home. Take my student Eddie for instance (no, he's not a dog himself, bear with me...). When he was child and poor, his family one day ran out of food, and so he simply suffocated their hound with a plastic bag and everyone ate it for tea. Worse still, he recounts the tale as one of "the best experiences" of his life!

Sometimes I get scared...

Okay, some points I should have got round to writing a while back. My excuse is that net cafes, with their blaring Chinese pop and equally high-decibel online games, are not the best environment for serious concentration. Anyhoos...

1. Some Taiwanese folks are as friendly as your very favourite relative.

Case in point my student (i.e. married friend Cecilia). So sick was she of seeing me turning up each week with my distinctly feminine (and broken-strapped) Jordan's School bag, that last week she gave me a brand new (and rather funky) blue backpack.

Also, when I turn up for each 'lesson' (in which we simply gossip for an hour), she promptly feeds me 'til I'm fit to burst. Then, as is the Taiwanese way, she feeds me some more.

2. Students, well, nearly all kids who are young (i.e. not married), have absolutely NO LIFE, unless they manage to escape to University or run away from home (though I think the latter is unheard of).

By this I mean that they're at school in the morning and afternoon, followed often as not by some kind of cram school or extra tuition after that (be it English, Chinese, Japanese, Music, Maths, Over-Feeding Foreigners etc.). This just leaves Sunday for them to complete any unfinished homework, play computer games (which, quite frankly, is the strongest religion for the young here) and, as they constantly reitterate, sleep, sleep, sleep.

You can imagine the fun-packed stories by non-speaking Advanced Classes come out with then... ask them any question that you've tried to ensure they can't answer with 'Yes', 'No', or 'So-so', and they'll usually find a way to turn the answer into something sleep related (i.e. usually "sleep" - subtext: "bugger the sentence patterns we're supposed to use, i'm too tired for this. "Sleep", that's all you're getting, get used to it").

Even my Taiwanese colleagues are stuck without social lives. At our New Year's dinner, we went to a Japanese restaurant. One of the Chinese teachers, a lovely girl we'll call erm, Sam, here, is about 26 or 27. At 9pm her father rang her up demanding to know when she'd be back (we'd only arrived, an hour's drive from Huwei, at 8!).

I am feeling mighty glad to be a Westerner on this one, though if you've never had wider freedom, do you miss it? (sorry, that was alll a little Carrie Bradshaw-esque wasn't it?).

3. I turn into (even more of a) freak during Aural Tests.

Most of my classes get tested every 8 or 9 lessons or so. This process involves a class written test, some group listening exercises, and a 5-minute aural test 1-to-1 with yours truly, which I conduct while the written test is going on in the next room.

Sometimes these tests are great as I get to monitor students' progress and feel like I've achieved something, though sometimes it's quite the opposite feeling. Like when the supposedly intermediate-level student enters the room and I ask them 'How are you?' as they're taking their seat. When I hear the response 'My name is John', I know it's going to be a long day.

However, that's not the freaky part! The few seconds between one student leaving the class and the next entering, THAT's when the madness commences.

I'm afraid I don't seem capable of keeping it together enough to just sit their waiting, quiet and teacher-like. Instead I start manicly drumming inanimate objects and singing (by that I mean wailing) impromptu songs about my students' lack of progress - along the lines of "You're so dense it's unbelievable" or "kill me now, you don't know **** you!".

That or I'll choose to murder Craig McClaughlan and Check 1-2's single British hit 'Mona' - you know the one - "Tell you Mona what I'm gonna do... dum, dee-dum, dee-dum... DUM DUM ... HEEEEEYYYY Mona!! Ooooohhhh, Mona.").

Crazy I tell you. Still, I'm getting a bit of a tan out here. How for now.

.....[Matt you make me HOOT sometimes. =) ]

Uh-oh, The Lushious One is getting poxy. Chicken poxy. Fantastic.

OK here's your general advice on chicken pox. Stay out of the way of anyone you don't want to give it to. Drink loads of juice, and eat vegetable soup. Do not scratch. Use calamine to dry up the spots and stop them itching. Do not scratch. Have baths in porridge to soothe your skin. Do not scratch. Do not pick off the scabs after the pox have drained their clear ooze (ew). Get loads of sympathy off anyone who'll give it to you. Don't look in a mirror too much. Oh yeah, and if you scratch you WILL be scarred.

Glad I got poxy when I was 17. =)

Kisses xx

At long last, I can relate to Jess's Mosquito Blues. Over the last week or two, the little blighters have found a new reason for living, namely covering me in various-sized lumps and bumps.

My Taiwanese pal Eddy reckons it's because I'm so healthy, I must have God-like blood in a Mosquito's eyes. I think he's a nutter.

Otherwise, New Year seems like months ago. We're back into school with a vengeance (though I did actually do an activity with an advanced class that, wait for it, seemed to work and actually had them speaking (a little) English!). I nearly fell off my chair with shock.

The future of EFL teaching I am not...

Matty poos, what has happened to your speech?? What on earth is man-o-man? And you, a teacher. Tut tut. Good job I aint as bad as you, boyo.

It is nearing Carnival time here, 27th is the day it all kicks off apparently. It looks like fun, a day, quote "where all of the Dominican people come together in the city streets to dance, share and delight in a celebration of joy" unquote. However, I've been told that if you don't dress up (highly enticing costume illustrated) and especially if you are a foreigner then the people like to hit you with inflated pig bladders. I don't think it's a malicious thing, but maybe I should stay out of the way for this one? Timid Tansy Alert.

Other things are cool, school is hectic, and I still LOVE teaching, The Gorgeous One is wonderful, and the weather.. OK better not mention the weather.

Said (tempting) costumage complete with pig things;

Man-o-man, they give you receipts with EVERYTHING here! And they make a point of you taking them...

Buy a coffee? Must have a receipt. Buy a newspaper? Must have a receipt.

Pray tell oh Taiwanese shopkeeper, is it really necessary? Are the chances of me returning to your shop to complain about the lacklustre news so great that it's worth my while clogging up my bike's basket with 7-11 paper strips?

Buy a penny chew? Must have a receipt... ad infinitum...

Rant over. Good day to you all!

You reckon it's time for a change of look? This one is getting on my ti nerves, we could have something so much fresher. I don't have a lot of time, but I could manage something. Let me know..

Wow. He looked good today, and today was a pleasure, I wish it wasn't over. Nothing actually happened, apart from making millions of stooopid valentine's heart badges for the students, marking millions of math books and having millions of horns honked as I walked to the shops after school, but it's not the mundane (hence the absurd exaggerations) I was referring to, it was the aesthetics of the day. Hehe, naughty.

So, I think the weather's turning. It's now been sunny each day for around a week, and the humidity is seriously on the rise. ..

So, from here on in I think this place is going to resemble a pressure cooker. Still, if it's so hot, at least I should feel like eating less and may get back to my fighting weight rather than pigging out on coffee and biccies!

OK so some of the other teachers told me that rubbing fresh garlic into your nails makes them stronger, so J and I had a little manicure sesh this afternoon.

And we stink. Never listen to any advice that recommends fresh garlic.

Have just got back to Huwei after three days in the capital, Taipei. Because of it being Chinese New Year, Taipei was (I'm told) relatively quiet. Still busy though, and very, very big. My best description: like a cross between New York and London, though cleaner, much safer and a little better organised (bar Taiwanese driving that is...)

It's a very international city in which me and Phil managed to spend plenty of Taiwanese dollars on yet more CDs, essential clothes and extortionately-priced beer. Met all kinds of weird and wonderful people, from bizarre locals and helpful TEFL teachers, to French Canadians recording their first album. The number of wannabe rock idols we met in one weekend was indeed quite scary.

So, thankfully, we ate some great Western tucker, whizzed around nearly all the city on the MRT (subway) and were glad to be out of Hu-wei for a while.

We weren't totally without culture either. Well, kind of...

We'd initially planned on spending a day or so at the National Palace Museum, which houses the biggest collection of Ancient Chinese, erm, stuff, in the world (including within China itself).

Once we'd escaped our terribly-directed taxi and found the place (a huge palacial pad cut into the bottom of the mountains on the edge of town), we entered the foyer, paid our 100NT dollars each (just under two British pounds), grabbed a brochure and read up on the treasures housed within.

You can guess the excitement to come I'm sure... eight floors of old pots and pictures of places we'd probably never see. Phil, who knows me pretty well by now, saw my eyes glaze over, partly in bored anticipation, and partly through bewilderment at what I sometimes convince myself I'll enjoy, knowing full well I have zero appreciation of, or interest in, history. (If you're thinking "Philistine!" at this point, you'd be right...)

So, half an hour later, after getting lost numerous times trying to find the coffee shop on the roof, we sat down to mews over our findings (namely that the coffee shop existed in a parallel universe to the tea shop, which was MUCH too swuave for our kind, albeit easier to track down).

With some luck, there should be some riveting piccies to accompany this entry soon - think images of me eating an orange and yawning on the steps of the Museum.

All in all though, we loved Taipei. Sadly, the jazz club was closed for New Year (quite a few places were), but I'll be back there soon enough.

Hope you're feeling a little chirpier now Jess. Did the red-shoe'd wonder manage to cheer you up?

.........[No man! The red shoes were mine!! A boyfriend
.........of mine in red shoes? Are you kidding? =) ]

curling up in a ball, listening to radiohead and drinking lots of booze I feel a lot better. OK that was a couple of days ago, but it still counts.

The weather here has been on and off, light rain, heavy rain, lightning, etc. and then in the middle of it all a patch of blue sky and brilliant sunshine. Wierd. Makes you appreciate the good weather even more. Still makes me miss England every time the sky clouds over though! Hehe.

At the moment I am missing England for - family and friends of course, cold weather, warm showers, warm baths, tea, fish and chips, clothes shopping, pubs and Spar. Yes, I said Spar. I have a Spar carrier bag in my knicker drawer that got brought along in my suitcase last September and every time I see it I dream of; clean aisles full of attractively packaged goods, endless discounts and promotions, helpful staff in red and green uniforms, the magazine rack, the vegetable display, the ready-made sandwiches, the smell of pasties and cooked chickens, and every word you could possibly read in the shop is in glorious technicolour English. Funny the things you miss.

So, I'll leave my bizarre, wistful, sentimental ramblings safely on the screen here, and go off and see my real, actual, gorgeous, here-in-the-flesh boyfriend instead. In lovely new red shoes I might add. Shoe shopping is wonderful isn't it? I don't mean to be so shallow, but even the most deep and spiritual person can't help feeling the sheer ecstasy of walking into a shoeshop, and walking out again in less than five minutes with two pairs of gorgeous shoes at fantastic prices. Excellent, darn it.

Anyway the mossies are sucking my ankles dry, must go before I lose a foot or something. Laters.. =)

I won't beat around the bush. I am depressed and I feel like hell. I know it's not the most entertaining news for you, but it's what's happening.

This morning most of my 7th graders failed their math midterm. I worked and worried and tutored so hard. All for nothing.

Then, this afternoon my dentist literally butchered me. I am left with the most repulsive looking I mouth I have ever seen.

Nothing more to add, nothing good happened. Want to curl up in a ball, listen to Radiohead and drink a lot of booze. See you later..

No, in case you're wondering, I've not been drinking solid for two weeks. Just last night, though it feels like longer, judging by the state of my head today.

So, apologies for the huge delay in writing. Now, where do I start? First, I guess, we should go to school...

The first of this month's two 'demo' lessons went off without any serious problems last Tuesday. Well, I mean, I did refill the whiteboard markers with the wrong ink, which meant the boss's wife putting the demo on hold to get busy cleaning said wall, but aside from that if was okay - the one potentially worrying psycho kid was very well behaved (his mum was there so he behaved... maybe she's a bigger psycho than him?).

My next demo, which I know for a fact will be bad, bad, bad, is this Tuesday evening, so think of me around 11am GMT and picture the chaos of 15 7-year olds trying to remember their lines to The Ugly Duckling and me in the middle of it all, grinning inanely to keep up the 'nothing fazes me' teacher image.

Otherwise, I've not done much the last three weekends as I've had so much work on. On the new friends front though, we've met two great South African girls - Renee and Nicky. Renee's 22 and just finished Uni,. She's pretty wise beyond her years, and speaks Afrikaans and English. Nicky is, i think, 28, an ex-music student and (when at home) a piano and art teacher. She studied classical music initially, then jazz, so we've been rambling on about that plenty.

Last night was the first time Phil and I had properly spent some time with these two, as we went round to check out their apartment, which their school supplies. This 'checking out' is really code language for lots of beer, straight vodka (ouch, I really detest that stuff), some impromptu dancing lessons and a new game called 'let's teach Matt some Afrikaans and laugh at his dodgy accent!'.

The few words and phrases I can now speak in Afrikans are sadly untranslatable here (i.e. I'm unwilling to offend you by telling you the bad things I learnt), so I'm learning a little of two languages now from different continents!

After the dancing and teaching, it turned into one of those unexpectedly deep conversational evenings, which ended with Phil and I making it home at around 5.45am (suffice it to say, he missed church!).

Oh, and the plan is, we're going to borrow a guitar, maybe a cymbal or two, and set-up a busking band to stand on Huwei main street and traumatise the locals (or maybe this was a vodka-induced idea, I'm not sure)...

I'm quite sure my next update will be soon, so hold onto your hats and I'll be back. In the meanwhile, I have to go pick up my washing.

Matt

PS: I've noticed some products here that strike me as very useful (in a 'why don't we have THAT at home?' kind of way). If anyone knows whether these are available at home or not, please EMAIL ME - matwade76@hotmail.com

* 24-hour kettle type thing (technical, aren't I?). This is basically a big water container that you fill in the morning, leave plugged in and it keeps the water at 95C all day. No more 'putting the kettle on', just push the button on top and top up.

* LED light switches - when they're turned off, a small led (various colours) lights up, meaning no more fumbling around in the dark trying to turn the lights on. Ingenious.

Wooooooo. Today the title up top look seven more fuzzy. Guess what Jessi was doing last night? Hehe.

So, I went out with B last night and we had a blast. The monument was closed off for some reason, so we went to a bar instead. Man I've never been more happy to taste a Presidente (beer) in my life. It was a special moment!! We went on to another bar after that where there was young people dancing, and then another place after that. Loads of beer, loads of music and loads of dodgy blokes.

I still can't get the hang of this dancing business. I can cope with the moves (need lessons though - am starting next week on salsa! Woohoo!) no, it's the accepting/declining dances. You see I don't know if I've explaned it or not, but here they dance in pairs and you only dance if someone comes up and asks you to at the beginning of the song. Oh yeah, and you can't leave halfway through the song. Anyway, I have been told that it's really rude to turn a man down when he has asked you to dance, and this means that I've ended up dancing with some right dodgy people - some are always trying to pull you close (real close) and you have to keep pushing them away. Some men are OK, and it's cool when someone asks you to dance and they are a good dancer themselves. But is it really bad to say no to a dance if you don't like the look of a man? I need to find out.

Ooh, on another note. I am trying to be as un-smelly as possible for a while. This is because I have found out the mosquitos are very poorly sighted and can find you primarily through smell. So if you smell strongly (good or bad!) then you have a much greater chance of attracting the little beggars. So I've stopped using perfume, deodorant, skin cream etc. - I've even switched to a neutral soap. Let's see if it works. My poor whiter than white legs and arms are peppered with bites all the time. So attractive. And so comfortable.

That's all for now. I have a beautiful hangover to nurse. I wish you were here.

Just a quickie to say I am still alive. I've just got no time to update, though I'll probably get to ramble on for a few pages later this week. Hi to all.

Never mind homicides, suicides and lunacy being increased around full moons, in my case it is forgetfulness.

To J & R: A big sorry I forgot my keys and had to call you at 1.30 in the morning to let me in, and thank you that you did and weren't grumpy about it.

Duh.

I'm so excited it's nearly Friday! I'm going to have some fun, do some relaxing, see the man, eat some food, drink some drink.. Life doesn't get better. =) The sky is spectacular this evening, there are clouds, and they are pink and grey and heavy, and the moon is so big it looks like it is swollen.

So, I am sitting here with my feet in a bowl of vinegar and water, munching on a tomato while a dozen mosquitoes have a good go at whatever bare skin they can find on me. Not an earth-shaking revelation, but I thought I'd share it. Everytime I sit at this keyboard I forget all the interesting things that I think of during the day to share with you. Blogging impotence. Ah well. Here's something interesting - The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. Imagine.

And yes, I did tell that to the students.

He he, I can't believe my last post was actually a recipe! What is becoming of me?? Good grief.

Nothing to report at the mo folks.. sorry. The only thing that has been happening is revising for the exams with the kids, giving the exams, marking the exams and loads more dentist work (without anaesthetic - right into the nerve, too).

However, there is a four day weekend coming up, so perhaps something will happen. I'll flippin' make it happen.

Like, Wow.

You have to try this, especially if you are a vegetarian in a highly carnivorous country, or have been suffering culture shock food-wise that you have lost 50 pounds recently. In my case both apply so you should see the grin of satisfaction stretching across my mush at the moment.

First, chop up some courgette and onion into huge chunky pieces and out them in a pan with some oil and cooked rice with a lid on until they are softened and starting to brown. Then mix up an egg, some milk, salt and fresh basil and pour over the top of the veggies. Sprinkle some chunks of dutch cheese on the top and put the lid back on. Leave it. And leave it some more. In fact leave it until the egg is starting to crisp up on the bottom, is cooked on the top, and the cheese has melted into pools on the top. Now serve with some cold tomato salad and prepare for a mini rocket launch to heaven.

Like I said. Like - Wow. =)

I did a bit of soul searching last night, spend some quality time with my id to see if we could work out some inner struggles and we spouted out quite a lot of stuff together. I re-read the transcript I kept this morning and I'm amazed at how much sense it all makes sense - I thoroughly recommend it to anyone.. put aside a few hours to have a good word with yourself, and record the whole session on paper. It can sort a lot of stuff out that you had forgotten was festering inside.

Unfortunately, last nights exercise either needs editing (which defeats the object) or censoring to put it on the site for you, so email me if you want me to send it to you. I know, this is precisely the kind of thing a weblog is supposed to be for, but this one is supposed to be sprog friendly..

Hope everyone is well and happy

Love you xx

I have so much to say and yet nothing.

So I will tell you only of the large leaf I saw moving gracefully along the pavement today. There was no breeze, so I was immediately intrigued and stopped to bend down to look at it. Underneath was a tiny ant. I was impressed by that ant and for a moment I wished I was and I imagined I was that ant. I was crawling along the rocky pavement, I had to make a very zigzaggy path, and I was carrying a huge green leaf on my back. The leaf was thick and full and incredibly heavy, my back muscles were straining and my legs were tired. But I was able to carry on anyhow. Incredible.

And that is what happened. I will tell you more about ants in the future, as they actually play a suprisingly large role in life as I know it. Yeah, I know. But not now.

Aw man,

I've had some lovely emails from people over the last few days. It's so nice when people you haven't spoken to for ages get in contact.

It has made me miss everyone so much more though. I wish I could just pop round for a cup of tea and a gossip.

I'm on this side of the atlantic though, and things are going fine. The kids started back at school today, and while it has only been 8 hours of teaching, it feels like a month. I guess that's pretty normal for the first day back. I feel like taking a week to recover, mind you. Somewhere cold I think - Iceland maybe, somewhere with a hot spa and luxury accomodation. Mm Hmm.

xx

Happy Sunday guys.

I have a lorry load of work to do for school. It should really be illegal to work on a Sunday. And I should not be so lazy - is it inherited? Because I have no idea why I am so bad at this! I think it's a doubt thing. I doubt that I can knuckle down and do the work, so from there it all seems to go to pot. A confidence thing?

I found an excellent quote..

"He who has conquered doubt and fear has conquered failure. Doubt has killed more splendid projects, shattered more ambitious schemes, strangled more effective geniuses, neutralized more superb efforts, blasted more fine intellects, thwarted more splendid ambitions than any other enemy of the human race."
- James Allen

Groovy. Anyway, enough of the avoidance tactics, I must get started....

Much love xxx

On New Year's Day, Phil and I ventured up early and set off with pupil/friend Cecilia and her husband to Tainan, which is a city in the Southern half of Taiwan, and the centre of old cultural Taiwan.

We spent a very nice, long, and exhausting sunny day looking at Tao and Confusian temples and old navy forts that were used to protect Taiwan when it was ruled by the Portugese, in the 17th century I think. These two forts were actually a little inland as parts of Western Taiwan around Tainan have been reclaimed from the sea, Netherlands-style.

Cecilia really made the day special, as without her self-depreciating tour guide narrative, we'd just have been two confused blokes wandering around some old bits and pieces.

As is the custom here, we didn't pay for anything all day. We were taken to an almost Western style restaurant made completely out of driftwood (there's a chain of these places around the island), while the chain's founder was interviewed by a famous Taiwanese TV presenter near where we sat.

So, a shedload of tasty pork, beef, weak soup, rice, fish and all sorts. Followed by an afternoon of playing kid's shooting games in the market, more temples, then after hitting a huge CD shop and stocking up on British (yup!) magazines, we took Cecilia's son Pepe (sorry yes, he'd been with us since the morning as he lives with Cecilia's mum in Tainan), back home.

There Cecilia fed us all manner of further tasty nosh, literally until we couldn't stand up. I can't begin to describe it all, but there were 4 dishes and I finished the lot (followed by green tea, cookies, fruit and chocolate).

Since then, I've actually done a bit of exercise and also had a demo lesson yesterday with my most advanced class, which was none-too-amazing but still pretty interesting (in that it's now over!).

Gotta go, running out of net cafe cash!

Due to general exhaustion and a distinct air of apathy, I'd not planned anything until 10pm on New Year's Eve.

In that sense, it was quite similar to a NYE spent with Jess, in 1998 I think, but this one didn't end with me getting thrown out of possibly the roughest pub in Birmingham and getting very messy indeed on the crawl home.

By 10pm then, Clare and Todd had already set-off for Jaili (pronounced Jai-ee) for a Western type pub, so me and Phil squeezed onto a scooter and set-off for the nearest big town called Doulio (as Paul the dentist had shown us TV pictures of an outdoor event going on there).

There were a few thousand people milling around, lots of food stalls, a dire Taiwanese Cliff Richards wannabe wailing away on stage, although not any obvious drunkenness or fever-pitch excitement.

Due to the climate change over the last week or two, we saw in the New Year dressed in sweaters and jackets, overlooking the crowd and the stage, coffee in hand, rather feeling like flies on the wall and not really there at all.

There was a countdown, a short cheer, a few firewords, and then people started wandering off. All quite bizarre really - no drunken hugging / smooching / passing out and no extreme partying of any kind really. Still, at least no-one we noticed got attacked eh?

I'll write more about New Year's Day shortly - a very interesting day trip - culture and everything!

Wow. This is definitely New Years Day! I woke up today with the mother of all hangovers and fuzzy memories of a lot of rum and coke in plastic glasses and a dark club.
Fantastic! Jessi is a happy bunny.
So last night started out with me being late (as usual) and having to apologise profusely. Not a good start. Then … of all things… can you flipping believe it?... it was raining. Thank goodness I’m not vain because my hair got soaked. Hehe.
Then of course I was with mi amor and everything was OK.

Bizarrely enough I seemed to miss all the fireworks and celebrations last night. I didn’t even hear a countdown, weird huh? But it didn’t really matter

We spent the evening in a groovy little bar with Dali paintings all over the walls - a bit of a theme I think. Anyway, that’s inconsequential, the bar is cool.. however, no-one was there until after 12.30, were we in the right place? Hmm. After that time it quickly filled up to bursting as is the tradition and the party atmosphere kicked in.

And I danced. Oh yes I did. And no-one had any comments for the gringa today, thank god. I was in a sensitive mood to say the least.

Skipping past all the gory details like sweaty people and bad toilets (take a club, an open bar, loud music and you can pretty much fill in the rest yourself) I can report that all in all I had a fantastic night. I know I’m not giving you much, it is hard to try and convey just what it’s like here. So many things are the same, but at the same time so completely different that I can’t experess it with mere words. I should get out there with my camera huh. Yup.

Love to everyone, I hope you had a wicked night. I thought of you all at your midnight, (my early evening) and sent you telepathic kisses and hugs. Did you get them?? ;)

Xx

Hope you all had a good one.. =)

I will report back on how the Caribbean celebrates tomorrow after I have experienced it!!!

xx

Well, that was a very interesting Saturday night!

After a very hard week of feeling festive (for about 10 minutes) and working our respective socks off, me and Phil decided at around 10pm on Saturday that we should head out for a quick can of beer and a game of pool.

Well, the many pool tables were busy, so we were invited to play two local lads called Diwan and Ben. Their English was marginally better than our Chinese, but as is the Taiwanese way, they insisted on paying for everything (i.e. lots of beer). An hour later their friends turned up and we all drove across town in a Honda full of bass bins and techno CDs to a new Radio Bar that played Western tunes! (I've never been so glad to hear Bon-blumming-Jovi!).

Cue lots more beer drinking ("GAMBAY!" or down in one competitions) and a seemingly ever-increasing group of hangers-on. By these point me and Phil were approaching sozzledom at some speed, so we figured it a good idea to arrange a plan for after the Radio Bar, comprising the English theme pub near our apartment and a bit of karaoke singing (I know, I'm embarassed typing this, believe me).

Once our new friends heard this plan, the venue changed to a local KTV joint. KTV (or Karaoke Television) places feature seperate rooms for each group of friends, complete with karaoke set-up, big screen, surround sound etc. And, the rumour seems to be, that many of the bigger KTV places are Mafia hangouts (Yank friend Todd has some experience of this thanks to one dodgy friend).

This place was a little KTV though and seemed okay (i.e. it was open), so in we all piled. Our friend Ben seemed to be getting shouted at in the corridor while he was trying to pay for us all. The next thing we know a very angry Taiwanese man in red top was laying into Ben with some real venom, as were his friends. This went on for a couple more minutes, with Diwan and newly arrived friend Nada trying to help Ben and getting punched in the process.

Luckily, me and Phil were in 'sensible/coward' mode though it was hairy just watching once Ben was a bleeding heap on the floor and his attackers were still trying to break him into little pieces. At this point Phil decided to make a break for our KTV room and get out of the way. He motioned for me to follow (though I was well rooted to the spot by now), and as he tried to slope past the angry mob the red-topped numpty decided to take a swing or two at the foreigner. Phil now has a great black eye to scare his kids with.

Anyhoos, after the ambulance and the fuzz had been and gone, we were told not to worry about anything, more beer was drunk, and I helped the group forget their woes with a screaching version of Loveshack, followed by a more tempered and dare I say it, almost in tune, version of Nowhere Man by the Beatles.

What time I left the place and how I got home, I don't know. How I felt on waking up the next afternoon I certainly do know and it features the letters R-O-U-G-H!

No-one reads the comments much, so I'll post this in the main blog Chris.. Nice to hear from you =)

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MAT AND JESSIKAKAKAKA,
and for that matter EVERYONE ELSE
including the Narbeth Massive, the Huddersfield
Posse and those too lazy to ever leave Brum
properly and those who think Manchester a good
place to hide.

I'll post again next year, ha!

Skol

Cx

Matt, check out how far they've come with the Bull Ring. Cool huh! I can't wait to have a bit of a nose around. Actually, now I'm thinking about it, do you fancy a trip to Brum when we get back to the UK? We could go visit the old places, see some old faces, have a beer or two in the Jug of Ale.

Say yes.

Hi to everyone in Birmingham, especially Christopher. I haven't heard from you for ages man. Are you still alive?

How do you let your fella know, without hurting his feelings, that you are in a really bad mood and don’t want to see him? This is the third night in a row.. I hope I don’t blow it.

So, I have PMT, a head cold, an upset stomach, post-Christmas blues and a bloated belly the size of Ireland. Combine this with bags under my eyes like week old gym socks (the right one is, as we speak, developing a highly attractive twitch - nice), and, as my ESL student so delicately put it yesterday – eyeballs like tomatoes. I’m glad her metaphorical skills are coming on.

And on top of this, and this really is the best bit, I went to the dentist yesterday for a clean and polish and walked out with a bill for more than ? my monthly salary. How wonderful! How absolutely fabulous! How come?
The reason for the extortionate bill is not that the dentists here are the most expensive in the world, it is that I apparently need to have a LOT of work done that I didn’t know about.

I would like to take this moment to thank my UK dentist for spotting the problems in the check up she did for me only three months ago. Especially the seven fillings, because I am sure they can’t just spring up in a matter of weeks.

Anyway, due to my terribly pathetic communication skills with “Dr. Juan Grullón Alvarez” I left the place understanding that ‘anesthetic’ meant general and not just local and that the ‘surgery’ he was talking about consisted of him ripping out all my gnashers and rearranging them, and not in fact a pretty ordinary root scaling that I have since found out he meant.

Thus, understandably, I was feeling a little delicate and had to once again let down The Luscious One. And I don’t feel much better today. I can’t neglect him again can I? He’s going to start taking it personally isn’t he?

Oh Bother.

P.S. all donations to help me through this costly periodontal time will be greatly appreciated.

Hangovers are what a good Christmas is about.

Remember the hair of the dog treatment the next day of course and things will be fine.

That said, maybe I should lay off the Cuba Libre's tonight.

Nah, what am I saying. You're only 26 once.

Feliz Navidad (Merry Chrimbo) =)

xx

Hi everyone.

Christmas lunchtime and I'm just heading to school. I hope everyone's hangovers aren't too bad and you all have a great day!

Update: our Xmas meal last Saturday gave 3 teachers (including Clare) pretty bad food poisoning. How festive... as I just drank beer at the meal, I'm feeling okay.

I got in last night after work and a private lesson and the four of us Western folk watched Meet Joe Black (a tedious Brad Pitt slushfest of a film), then Todd, Phil and I decided to grab a bite to eat, which turned into a quick beer, which turned into visiting the dentist Paul (at around midnight this is), drinking Scotch and Dramboui, followed by peanuts and beer at a 24-hour pool hall. Thus I feel a little delicate today.

Only 8 hours and three lessons to go and we're off to a night cafe/diner place in Jie-ee (that's how it sounds anyway) - about an hour's drive away thanks to the dentist. This evening will probably involve more tasty snacks, more beer and many games of Mallet's Mallet (I bought Phil an inflatable hammer to help him with his English and amuse us all - an inspired choice I thought).

Opened some great presents from my folks and friends today - some LUVVERLY decorations, a real metal kazoo, a reindeer key ring that dumps chocolate poo (that's the kids' prize today then!) and all manner of other little amusements, including a fantastic funk CD and more. Thanks to everyone who sent things. They really did help this morning feel more festive and every single present was very well chosen indeed.

Must plough on for now. Here's to the end of this hangover and the creation of the next.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!

I miss you all xxx

The situation with the ladies here is that, firstly the language issue is a little troublesome. Now, this isn't an insurmountable problem, as most young women speak a little English, but not to the point where you could have deep and meaningfuls day and night.

As for my Mandarin Chinese, if svelte Oriental beauties are drawn to fizzing flings based around (slow) discussions of the numbers 1 to 10 and how badly I want to buy a chicken, then I'm destined for stud-dom. If not, my Mum needn't worry about buying a new hat on my account.

People are conversative here. If I did find myself with a girlfriend, the chances are their parents would start talking about marriage pretty quickly. This is my first impression anyway. Scary huh? There's no need for all that methinx.

Yours in everlasting celibacy,

Matt.

Let me be honest for a moment. I really, really don't know if I'll stay here at this school for a year. Right now (well, some days), that just seems like a lifetime.

I appreciate that I've done two months already (yada-yada-yada), but after this amount of time, 6-day weeks of non-stop hassle, general exhaustion and plenty of forthcoming 'demo' lessons are all taking their toll.

Before setting off, what I said to myself was - you speak English, you know English, so the fun will be in trying to find creative ways to present and teach it.

Whereas in reality (and I know I'm merely emphasising my own ignorance here) half the effort goes on getting the students to notice you're trying to teach them and ignore the Chinese-speaking classroom 'assistant', the rest on just ploughing through the sometimes innapropriate 'syllabus'. And due to our desks being on display in the lobby and surrounded by mayhem 8 hours a day, I'm just too exhausted (and deaf) to think, never mind be creative.

Because 'Bushibans', or language cram schools, are profit centres and little else (or certainly this one is), if a kid's mum (like in yesterday's class) sends their offspring to this school as a kind of babysitting service and doesn't care whether they bring their work and books, or indeed learn, then why should the boss of the school keep them down a level or threaten to chuck them out when there's dollars to be earned? In the meantime, the dynamic of the class goes to pot (particularly when the kid's as crazily demented as yesterday's boy) and less learning's done in general.

My contract is set-up thus: if I leave before the year's end, I lose a month's salary (well, my contract actually reads 'an amount dependant upon the problem to the school'). Whereas, of course, they can sack me any time they like. The Taiwanese employer's way, or Alan's at least, seems to be with a smile but also an assumed knowledge on my part that any change to their plan will cost me. Lots of business dealings are based on favours in a Mafia-style from what I've learnt / read so far.

At the same time, I'm thinking maybe I should give myself a date (i.e. on a payday) to decide by, then if I've decided it's this job or my mental health, I'd give my notice and keep enough cash from that pay to cover everything over the next month including costs of changing return flights etc (not expecting to keep any cash from the pay I get on my last day)...

I hate this idea financially and would, much to my annoyance, see it as some kind of failing, but at the same time I don't like waking up depressed, looking at pictures of family and friends and wanting to just bawl into my porridge (this is some days, not all, but it still freaks me out, and yes... I bought porridge).

I want to pay off my debts and at least leave Taiwan debt-free. On the other hand, maybe I should look at other positions in Taiwan that don't involve being in school outside lessons and pay a little more, then that might make it better generally and worth leaving this school for.

Don't know. Maybe I'll have a tip-top day today and it'll all seem rosy. It's that kind of uncertainty that's bewildering though

I'm sure these present woes are also being compounded by what Jess is feeling - it's Christmas and although there's plenty of Christmas activity here, it's only with a 100% commercial slant and it's not like we get Xmas day off work or anything. That and not being able to get trashed with close friends on Christmas Eve is v.strange.

Having said that, we had our school Xmas party yesterday (i.e. normal 9-5pm Saturday work day, then 6 hours of Chinese screamed through loudspeakers and us wandering around the pitch black grounds of the local elementary school to make sure no kids got stolen while they did a treasure hunt).

All the teachers had to get garbed up in fancy dress for this event, so in a highly cynical if somewhat lazy bid to win one of the three money prizes on offer, I: borrowed a suit, bought a dirt cheap scarf, stole a very authentic looking broomstick from our basement, popped the lenses out of some cheap shades, and called myself Harry Potter - thus tapping into a great many kids' current obsession and securing third prize (twenty quid) in the meantime. Hoorah.

Rambling entry this one, and morbid, so sorry about that. I didn't wanna post it initially, but then I thought the 'warts and all' approach would be maybe more interesting...

I am SO homesick. Everyone is getting excited about Christmas, the kids have broken up from school, the shops are full of last minute shoppers, everywhere is decorated and families are getting together from all over the place. I am trying my hardest not to get too down in the dumps about it, but I can’t help it. Yesterday I had the longest face ever – I am surrounded by people I don’t understand, customs I don’t know, attitudes I can’t relate to. I WANNA GO HOOOOOOOME.

OK. Pull yourself together girl. You are on a beautiful Caribbean island aren’t you? You are going out with the lushest bloke on the island aren’t you? There you are then. Count your blessings and get over it.

Cool! It's that time!
The school puts on it's Christmas production tomorrow, it's going to be fantastic. =)

The highs and lows of my thirteenth weekend here in the Dominican Republic;

First off, I had a wicked weekend with some other teachers from school, we went to Santo Domingo for Saturday and Sunday and stayed with someone’s (very hospitable) family. We went shopping (yey), we went sightseeing (yey) we ate lush food (yey) and then we got ready and went out dancing at night (yey yey yey!). At midnight in fact. And didn’t come home until the wee hours. =) And yes I danced!!! Jessi danced merengue!!! With a man!!! (a lawyer no less) and I’m so proud. Everyone said I did well, but I know they are just being kind. This kind of dancing is easier than it looks, I bet everyone was laughing at the gringa on the dancefloor. Still, I loved it, and I want to go out dancing again soon, so come on girls! We travelled back again today and stopped at a barbeque on the way., more Dominican hospitality – I feel like royalty! Anyway I’m back home now, and I have sobered up. ;-)

And secondly, something just had to happen to spoil the weekend.

I was walking to school with some books this afternoon, broad daylight, public place although no-one about, etc. etc. I was not dressed provocatively, in fact I looked pretty dreadful, my hair was knotty and so tied up in a bun, no make up on, baggy trousers and shirt 4 sizes too big, sweat patches on my back.. you get the picture. And as I was crossing the road, this guy on a motorbike stopped in my path and when I tried to walk around the back of him he backed up. I let him know I was not amused (!) and he drove off. Only to turn around and come back.. This time he drove up on the pavement and came up towards me. He blocked my path completely, trapping me between his bike and a fence and then proceeded to roughly grope me in the groin, the waist and the chest. I was fuming! (and scared). I pushed him and shouted at him to F*** Off and he lost control of his bike and drove it into the fence and I was able to get away. I was absolutely livid. Then I got thinking how easy it would have been for him to go even further, and how easy it would have been to take my bag too – thank god I left that at school earlier. Although this is a good area of Santiago, I feel rather vulnerable today, I don’t think I’ll be walking around alone a lot anymore. It makes me so cross that people can do things like that. And it makes me cross that I have to watch out for it, even expect it.

Wow, here goes...

Dental stuff: face swelled up after second cleaning on Friday/Saturday, went back and had some horrid stuff removed from under gum, more cleaning today, final bit due Tuesday... Oh, and in keeping with my renewed obsession with all things hygenic, bought new electric toothbrush, mountains of floss etc. etc.

School: couple of dire and very frustrating classes at the end of this week (my lack of patience became very obvious. If nothing else, I'm learning that I really am sure of wanting to keep more dogs in the future and not children!), then a couple of better classes, but severe headache from having a desk surrounded by kids for 8 hours a day. No other language schools in Huwei expect that and it's v.tiring to say the least (woe is me etc.).

Saturday night: went with new dentist friend Paul, Todd (Yankie boy) and Philip (cool new housemate) to a Taiwanese auction in a warehouse about 40km away. Lots of tat (and I MEAN tat!) for sale, lots of Bettlenut-chewing/spitting locals and just three of us weirdo foreigners. Very interesting, I felt like Michael Palin or something. I learnt bits of Chinese, got given tons of free food, and learnt some essential Taiwanese phrases (like 'big schlong' for instance!), but very tired due to early Saturday start at school.

Today (Sunday) - back to dentists for more work (not too much pain, more Chinese taught by dentist, Paul, he really is a great guy. Then took Philip to Taichung City to try and find footie-playing foreigners. Due to unannounced cold weather, that didn't happen, so we wandered around, laid in the park, found some school kids to confuse with our attempted Chinese. They then helped us get a bus (free!) across the city to the bus station and the bus home, at which point we also bumped into my student Eddie who told us all kinds of dodgy 'cultural' (i.e. laddish) information I simply can't publish here and then bought us fried chicken and sweet potatoes.

Bizarre, like I said. Laters.

Wiped my first Dominican pooey bum today.

Ew. Teacher's planning day yesterday. That means no kids, and plenty of work to do.. and...

I could NOT concentrate. I sat at my desk with a mountain of books in front of me, I can barely see over them, and I twiddled my red ink Papermate 'med pt' pen in my fingers. Amazing how absorbing running the edge of the lid under your thumbnail is. Must remember to include it in my list of "Incredible Things I Have Done In My Life". Well, it certainly seemed worth every ounce of my attention at the time.

The pile in front of me was (cringe) backlogged marking to do, the empty lesson plan books for December and some half completed grade books. All highly important stuff that needed doing by the end of the day. I wish I could be one of these people who can just knuckle down and do the tedious stuff, but some days, ya know, it just aint gonna happen.

Ah well.

Ooh! Went up to a place in the mountains on Sunday. It was fantastic!! Have to be going there again I think..

Well, in a most bizarre turn of events, it's been a dental kind of week.

On Monday I started getting real pain from a tooth I should have had sorted before I arrived in Taiwan. Todd kindly introduced me to his dentist friend (don't know his name), a middle aged guy with atrocious teeth, worse hair, a big grin and a pretty fair command of English (very good in fact).

I'd been told that, what with my medical insurance card, each visit or treatment costs around 100 NT dollars (about two British pounds), so I wasn't as worried about the cost as normal.

My first treatment was yesterday. Because I was very obviously terrified and a friend of Todd's, the dentist insited I didn't pay him anything, instead he gave me a rather strange crystal buddha ornament thing as a Christmas gift. So, he drilled a hole to let some air pressure out or something (surprisingly there was no excrutiating pain) and said come back tomorrow.

Later that evening, having been paid by my private student, I called Todd and suggested he show me the hot-pot place he'd been telling me about... and who should be there but Mr. Dentist... who plied us with under-the-counter Scotch, extra squid and fairy cakes (inspiring dentist huh?) and then insisted on paying for the whole meal.

Went back earlier today for some root cleaning (no pain, again, I'm still in shock), then more of the same due Sunday plus refilling, and hopefully he'll let me pay him something then! British dentists take note... your customer service skills could be better!

Well, after an internet-free few days, I returneth!

Things are going okay at this end. I've not been in the net cafe for a few days, so that's my absence explained (it's SO smokey and loud in there, it's really quite unhealthy).

Okay then, school has been better. I've taken to planning each day's lessons the evening before (or when I get the chance, at school), which has given me every morning free and therefore helped me feel like I'm not just doing schoolwork ALL the time! Very good news that... my lesson planning is actually getting a little faster too (as I very slowly get to know and remember classes / pupils etc.). I've even taught the same lesson twice, which saves tons of planning time.

I have a couple of parent-demonstration-type-lessons soon though, so I'm sure they'll be pretty hairy (considering the kids I have to pretend to teach and junior psychos). Should get easier after the first couple I guess... (the second one of these is on Boxing Day... eugh... so think of me when you're stuffing Turkey and Spuds down yer necks!).

Outside of school, I've been to the rice fields by the river to practice music, played some tennis, done some swimming, eaten a lot of garbage, and just mooched about. I had a bike-related nightmare and lost my house/garage/apartment block keys this week, but a few dollars and days later and friend Todd found the keys at the pool and my bike is fixed, for now...

Let's see, what else. This morning I was woken up at 6.30am by the local temple banging all manner of tin-pot drummery which went on for a good (?) , complete with accompanying firecrackers. Still, at least there weren't jets accompanying the havoc today...

This really is the noisest place I've ever lived (and that includes a Birmingham house full of would-be Techno DJs with hearing problems). No time is too late or early for ear piercing din in Taiwan, unless it's coming from my instrument of course. They just have no appreciation of badly performed scales here!

*mind's gone blank, hang on...*

Oh, Lizanne, my S.African flatmate, moves out tomorrow and her replacement turned up yesterday. Also from S.Africa, his name's Phillip and he seems very chilled and a good lauch - about 29 I think, an ex-markere/banker, looking for a change in life etc. etc.

I've picked up my second private English student too. My first is a piano teacher called Cecilia by the way. She's great. She's 31-ish and she pays me to chinwag with her for an hour a week. Last week we watched a DVD called Swinging Bach and often-as-not she educates me, on Taiwanese life, customs, language and classical CDs I should record.

Anyway, the new guy is called Jung Eddie (that's my spelling). He's signed up for 3 one-hour lessons a week, so Clare and I are dividing those up. He's about 30, very camp and nervous but very enthusiastic (he's already brought me drinks and Chinese honey). All very bizarre. The money from these lessons will cover each week's food and stuff though, so it's good news on the repayment-of-debt front.

God, you must be bored of reading this tripe by now.

Thought of the week: I heard a story from Todd about a Yorkshireman who swore like a trooper when a digging machine he was using broke down.

Prepare to be offended but also impressed with his grammatical accuracy:

"The f***ing fu**er's f**king fu**ed!".

You can't fault his sentence construction can you? Suffice to say, I stole his phrase when my bike's chain snapped for the fourth time in one day earlier this week!

How for now,

Matt.

They even celebrate that here.

So I'm off to my friend's house for a nosh up. Excellent!

Two more sayings that I saw on students' clothes:

* Pros and Cons of What

And, my fave so far...

* I don't believe in sexuality at all. People are not sexy. They are monsters.

The funniest thing ever happened about 5 minutes ago. I was walking home from the school, and this man on a moped went past looking at me. As I turned the corner I saw him pull into a gateway and I crossed to the opposite side of the road out of caution (glad I did). As I walked past I heard him call me - "Ssss Ssss" and I looked over and he had a huge erection out and was masturbating! Oh my word. Just the thing you want to see on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I laughed so much!

He followed me then saying obscenities that I shouldn't say online really, but I kept walking and laughing at him. Thank god he got the message before I got to the house, I'm glad he doesn't know where I am living.

Flashers are just the funniest thing on the planet though aren't they? But why do they always target me? Do I look like I'll give a good reaction? What kind of reaction do they want? I don't get the mentality at all.

Stranger still, this one was quite well-endowed... Usually they are titchy

All aboard the romance train! Next stop ; Starry-Eyed-Ville!

Blimey O Reilly! OK, so I've been seeing someone. I thought I should bring it into the open. Someone who is in fact, absolutely gorgeous and makes my tummy go all funny. And he doesn't know about this site yet, obviously. =)

And I am seeing him again tonight..

*grin

No Gorky reference, just keep catching my self singing it.

I tell you, I'm a twelve year old like the rest of the students most of the time. Always singing and giggling about nothing. Must be something in the air.

I taught outside again today - absolute bliss! I put three tables into a triangle under a tree, and surrounded the tables with benches and I took 7th grade out and we learnt how to add and subtract fractions in the dappled shade. If I had to describe my perfect job, I'd say today came pretty close. How many people get to teach fractions under a gorgeous Caribbean sky, with swaying palms, the smell of lunch being cooked and the chatter of pre-school nearby? Hehe, maybe I'm biased, but I reckon I have one of the best jobs in the world. =)

Location: coffee shop, Taichung City, Central Taiwan

Sign read:

Coffee & cafe: there's really no need for bush!

I am not making this stuff up.

Ew.

I didn't know how yukky colds could get in hot weather. I thought they were bad enough in the U.K. Miss Jessi had a large label stuck to her today warning people that she was 'SICK!'. And boy was I sick. Hope it is one that passes soon... =)

Talk about foul.

Mat you are beating me hands down on both the content front as well as the volume... Go to it. I need to keep a sharper eye out for anecdotal type stuff.

Atchoo (excuse me) I mean Kisses...

... which means that the great new product catchphrases I spied in Taichung yesterday can't be uploaded yet. Bear with me though, 'cos there's a coffee shop one that's still making me giggle.

Yesterday, yup, we visitied Taichung (Taiwan's 2nd biggest city). The risk-of-getting-lost factor rose by about 10 going somewhere that big... I'm just glad I wasn't on my own... It's a huge place and, I was glad to discover, includes a park in which shedloads of Westerners get together at the weekend for a game of footie (that's my next few Sundays sorted then).

On mooching through Taichung, we came across the Taichung Pet Exchange. Sounds strange? It was. A few cages in the city centre containing puppies, cats, rabbits etc. People, it seems, just swap pets when they don't want their own particular beast any more, or maybe they just fancy a newer model. Really weird. As Clare put it, if she was going to be reincarnated as a dog, she'd prefer it to be in England thanks - the owners here just have no loyalty!

On the food front (my fave hobby at the moment), I've discovered Papayas. Long, cyclindrical green things that should be, I think, slightly squidgy to the touch. You slice 'em down the middle, scoop out the pips and get busy in a Melon-eating-stylee. They smell like musty poo but they taste just so.

On the school front, blimey it's Monday again... these one-day weekends are gone in the blink of a sleepy eye.

The little kids were better today (i.e. I was better planned and had more activities and games to throw at them). However, another class on Thursdays who are actually older are v.tricky. There are about 22 kids in the group, about half of them little irksome oiks, and in 3 weeks we've all got to do a DEMO lesson, which is where their parents come to watch an exhibition lesson and marvel at how badly their new teacher is performing. Should be all kinds of fun, I can't wait (ha-ha!).

I get paid in 5 days and have now, I think, exhausted all money lending opportunities. I could spend SO much money on clothes here... although I'm glad I'm male on that front (otherwise, frilly girlie kitch creations seem to be the only possible option).

That's if for now folks, but when my phone is up and alive you can expect some great promo-speak, Taiwan-style!

This is not even funny. I am so hungover I can't even speak properly.

Never again...

There goes another beautiful, hot, busy week in the Dominican Republic.

It's been good to get back into teaching again after the science fair last week. Nice to get some kind of normality back.

The tailor who made my uniforms brought the pieces in today for a fitting and he was amazed at how much weight I've lost. He said I have lost 5" off my bust alone since he measured. I'm wasting away! (Actually no, but the running total is now 33 lbs off)

The uniforms are completely gross though. I look like a cross between a missionary, a nun and a sergeant major. I'll take some posey photos and post them for you. =)

I'm off dancing tonight with the girls from school - I'll update on that tomorrow. Should be a laugh. Thing is, I don't know if I've said already, but the dancing here is not the kind of dancing we're used to. People actually dance in pairs here. Holding each other and everything. Ooerr... I'll pick it up eventually. Then tomorrow I'm going out with someone else. We'll see how that goes too.

Love to everyone. Especially anyone I haven't emailed recently. I'm sorry I'm so busy. I will get it together I promise.

Kisses

Fab tag line for a product eh? I'm on the lookout for more still...

Well, I've been so busy I've not had a moment to log on, but now I've discovered the cheapest net cafe in the world (10 NT dollars, or around 20p for half an hour), my entries should get a little more regular...

School is good and bad and all things inbetween. I keep telling myself (and my boss supports me in this notion) that I've only been faking this profession for two weeks so I can't expect miracles. Well my youngest class are certainly not reacting like I'm creating miracles, but some of the older classes are going okay (I think one group actually likes me, and that's after an impromptu spelling test!).

As for the young 'uns, they still seem to be expecting Aileen (their very talented previous teacher) to reappear and blow me up on the spot and as such are being very testy (I think the word is EVIL!). So, as of Friday no nonsense will be tolerated I'm afraid. Big mean teacher Matt has arrived (though only when absolutely necessary, I'd rather have a giggle tha knows!).

What else can I tell y'all then? (sorry, slipped into redneck speak there, won't happen again...). Well Sunday was a nice day... myself, Claire and Todd cycled out of town for an hour to a big Buddha temple (in the shape of a Buddha no less) in the sun, though coming back was against the wind all the way, so that was heavy going.

As for mountain biking potential here, the West plain of Taiwan (i.e. where I live) is just that, plain. It has never SEEN a slope! It would take I think 2 or 3 hours, I think, to get to the foot of the mountains by bike. If I could track down an English guide to what tracks are rideable, maybe I'd risk it, but then I don't have the bike for it (I might dent my basket and then where would I be?). When I think of a way around said problems I'll be back dribbling on about it though...

As for other pastimes, it seems you can't skydive in Taiwan. I'm not sure whether it's legal or not (I've even emailed aeronautical people in the capital Taipei to double check). Bummer. It's weird for a Brit like me to think there are still so many countries where it's illegal (the editor of US magazine Skydive told me as much in another email... you see I have been busy!).

Otherwise, Lizanne my S.African flatmate is leaving at the end of the month, though her replacement at work (a 27-yr old chap from the same place called Phillip) may yet move in to ease the rent burden (ha! As if! 80 squid a month!).

Claire has had her hair chopped, I'm intending to get a bit of length into mine and go ragtag moppish (nice!), and I'm getting fit again (jumping rope, lots of swimming in a huge new pool that very few people use, complete with sauna, steam room, hot tubs, herbal tubs etc. etc.) and I'm even cooking at home (ah, pasta!).

Isn't it funny - how when you sit in front of a webpage that needs updating your mind goes as Blanc as a French chef.

Guess that's it for now. More soon. Roll on Sunday!

I went out last night and spent the evening walking and talking again. In fact we walked so much we covered most of central Santiago I think.
Anyway it was nice, the air was cool, the conversation interesting, and the sounds of the night (when not traffic) were fabulous. I swear, this is what life is about.

Wowee. A whole day of planning and grading books and frying temperatures and I'm still awake.

Absolutely shattered, though. At times like this I miss mummy. And daddy.
In fact anyone who will give me a cuddle. =)

I went out for a walk with, ahem, someone last night and it was lovely! We walked up to the monument, talked and talked, drank pina coladas and everything was, well, lovely.

Yey to more of that stuff!

Well, big smiles to everyone back home today, I miss you all like crazy and I wish you were here to enjoy this beautiful place with me.

Mwah!

Uh-oh

I'm in such a grump.

Stress levels are through the roof, trying to prepare for the Science Fair, end of term rush, exams and report cards all at the same time. Oh yeah, and the 6th graders decided we are having a party tomorrow. Nice timing guys!

Seems like all the fun of the weekend has come full circle and now all the stressful stuff happens. :(

Oh well, chin up Miss Jessi

Woohoo!
The beach was great! We stayed in a fancy hotel, ate fancy food and there was even fancy dancy in the discoteque. Excellent!!
We travelled up to Puerto Plata with a load of other English teachers on Friday morning, and then spent the day taking part in workshops and coffee breaks and lunch and workshops and then we all got dressed and partied!!
There was a bonfire on the beach and a disco in the hotel and lots and lots of rum and coke.
The next day was more workshops but only until lunchtime, and then it was more partying basically... It's so much fun being a teacher =) Hehe
I NEED to go back and spend more time at the beach I have decided...
Much more fun than staying at home slogging through lesson plans, which is today's itinerary... groan.

P.S. While I was in the hotel I noticed that they sold British newspapers, so I picked up The Sun (only one left). Oh my lord I forgot how dreadful that paper is!

Well, it's been a while, but what a week!

Similar to my initial journey to Taiwan, I've been through the entire range of emotions this week, from moments of "Oh my god, what AM I doing?" to mad laughter, total sweaty exhaustion, and deranged dancing in front of 22 seven-year-olds (just picture it and then up the embarrassment factor by 10 - that's what I'm talking about!).

The lesson planning has been taking an age due to my not knowing where some books / flashcards / props are etc. And some of the lessons have, erm, run a little short at times, but hopefully this next week should be better. After all, if it went perfectly straight away, how boring would that be?

I am already getting an idea of the kids' personalities, ranging from attention-seeking egomaniacs to cute quiet ones and strange little chaps who talk in squeaks and shake their booties at every opportunity...

So... wish me luck this next week... and now, onto Taiwan in general...

The food still rocks (baked and/or fried squid - pretty tasty)... soup flavoured by pigs' trotters, ragged bits of tofu, much too much nice tucker to mention...

Today I blagged a lift on Lizanne's scooter up to the foot of the central Taiwanese mountains. It was very Dumb and Dumber what with me on the back, the road getting steeper and steeper, and our speed plunging down to around one metre an hour (ish). The mountains were great though - actual fresh air (no pollution, so we could take our pollution masks off!), lush rainforest-type vegetation, and little hamlets of locals in the middle of nowhere processing bettlenuts. I just looked and breathed, and breathed a little more...

On the way back we drove to a huge supermarket - A T Mart - very cheap you know, and the food... jeez, I could've spent, erm, five pounds or something! We also passed through Doulio, the capital of Yun-Lin County and then back to Hu-Wei (home) via the freeway. At the side of the freeway there are some real interesting sights - the most bizarre being underwear-dressed hookers in little glass fronted cabins (complete with red flashing lights on top) smoking away and looking generally unimpressed with their chosen lifestyle.

Another great thing I've noticed... cheesy (and often terribly written) English phrases written on a great many Taiwanese products. I've started writing these down as they're just great. Here are two for starters...

1. OOlong Tea - for better tomorrow, YES!

2. If you like my clothes, you are buying a piece of me!
(written on the back of a Tai lad's nylon bomber jacket!)

Anyways... more soon. Hi Jess!

I am not me anymore,
I think,
I seem to be me part two.
For while I'm here in a world,
Of smiles,
I seem to be smiling too.

I'm going to the beach this weekend! Hurrah, hooray and all that..

Actually I'm going to a conference for teachers who teach in english. Doesn't sound quite so exciting, but the hotel is near the beach. So I get to enjoy the gorgeous coastline that I saw from the plane upon arrival, but haven't seen since. Due to having a job of course, not laziness.

I'll take my camera, and force myself to take photos, develop them and find the island's scanner so that I may share the weekend with you. Your share will be belated of course, and limited to 800x600 pixels, but you are there and I am here and that's the way it is.

Quit moaning and get on a plane.

P.S. For those interested I have officially lost 24 lbs since I've been here.

I was presented with a beautifully scripted poem today;

J is for jewel, heart of pure gold,
E is for expressive, happy soul,
S is for special beauty that's rare,
S is for sweet, loving and fair,
I is for intelligent, bright as the sun,
C is for caring, thoughtful one,
A is for angel, a joy form above,
Jessica so precious and loved.

It had pictures and everything. Wish I had a scanner.

You can blame the oh-so-generous electricity company for this one.

I had spent ages writing up a post for you about a cool night out last night. It took forever and then the electric cut out. Yep, another blackout. Pain in the bum I'm telling you. So now I'm too knackered to write it all in again and you get the shortened version.

Went out. Met friends. Was cool. Drank booze. Forgot to eat. Dizzy head. Had laughs.

Sorry! Maybe I'll write it again when my patience has recovered!

Things here are going fine. Let's see - I have loads to dribble on aboot...

I've been observing Aileen's classes for 3 or 4 days now (still today, tomorrow and Saturday to go), but not just sat there - I've been wandering round each class and outside them too helping kids with homework, marking bits of stuff, listening to 'em read, joining in with mental dances and stuff like that. Hopefully next Monday and Tuesday (before Aileen leaves) I'll do bits of classes to kind of ease me in. In the meantime, I'm struggling away drawing a picture card of a panda (you don't do that working at Bradford Council!)

I met an American teacher friend of the flat's the other night, called Todd, who, get this (most happy) plays piano, studied music at college and is a bit of a jazzhead. Precisely the kind of person I wanted to meet from a sax playing point of view. I'd only just met him, but I think we bored everyone else stupid talking about John Coltrane and Herbie Hancocks

It struck me last night how inappropriate all my clothes are. I've bought some kind of techie sandal type things (which you have to take off whenever you enter a house or school), so my feet aren't stinking for the first time in years! Need lighter troosers and short things though. It's cooling down here as Winter approahces but it's still 25/26 C most of the day (much hotter in the morning though). The air quality is total shite too so might get pollution mask for cycling round (50% of people here use them when riding their scooters around). No earthquakes as yet, but looking forward to that. Luckily, don't get any insects or things buzzing around the flat, cos it's so high up and Taiwanese insects aren't seemingly that strong/adventurous.

Went swimming yesterday to new local pool (fake palm trees, hot tubs, saunas, steam rooms, plus hot tubs with special chinese herb remedy stuff in). Have to wear an oh-so-trendy swimming cap though, nice!

I'm sure there's more to say, but gotta go finish that panda.

=(

Sorry to repeat my emoticons, but you should've been there. Everyone knew more than me, I couldn't communicate with anyone and the flippin' text book is in Spanish and........ French. Oui.

So how long d'you reckon I'll last in this class?!

Ay well. It's another three day weekend, due to a national census. Yarrrss! Going out partying tomorrow night.

¡Fiesta!

=)

=(

Not a happy time, my first Spanish lesson. I was in a room full of people who didn't speak english, the teacher spoke in french and I didn't have a clue what was going on. Never felt so lonely in my life. I've spent $1000 on the tuition though, so I'll have to stick it out. (N.B. they use the $ sign for Pesos here). Tomorrow I go again, so I'll let you know..

It struck me as I walked home today that I was not appreciating what I was doing. Every day I walk out of school, look up into blue, blue sky and walk home down roads lined with palm trees.

Not exactly the same as the UK. I should count my blessings from time to time! I will post pictures up when I get some developed. Things take so long to get done around here though, I wouldn't hold your breath!

Today was hot, hot, hot and very busy. Everyone is so friendly and laid back though that even being run off your feet is a pleasure. Uh-oh, Jessi's been on the happy pills again.

Not much else to report other than that.

Made me chuckle today;

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven...don't step on the ducks." So they entered heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St.Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on very tall, tanned and muscular. St. Peter chains them together and leaves without saying a word.

The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

This climate is good for me! My hair is growing longer and shinier, and my nails are too. My skin is fresh and freckly and my eyes are white and clear. How fantastic!

I could get used to this...

One and a half days after I set off (inc. time changes) and I'm ready for sleep.

I think I've experience the whole range of emotions since 2.30pm on Thursday... before that in fact. I said bye to Mum Thursday morning as she was working, though we had to make it a quick goodbye or else we'd still be hugging now!

Then, after a frantic yet bizarrely slo-mo morning of getting extra passport pics done and filling in 'Pay your National Insurance from overseas' forms, Suzy and Dad took me to the airport and hung around with me for a couple of hours. That goodbye session was equally depressing...

Spent the flight to Heathrown trying to hide sobs from the businessman next to me (he was in Product Development by the way, and seemingly very frustrated by "how many of these damn projects just can't crawl past the concept stage").

Heathrow was mad, I've not been there before. A city full of people, bags & boarding tags. Rang every landline on my mobile phone (free after 7pm you see) to pass the time. Finally boarded the jumbo and found myself sat next to a middle-aged Taiwanese woman who took an instant dislike to me (it was the foot on her chair thing when I let someone past to sit down methinx). She made her frustration felt for the next 12 hours through some innovative use of her razor-sharp left elbow. Very kind, very creative.

Felt like time had stood still several times on that flight. Copious amounts of chicken and noodles consumed. Off plane and on again at Bangkok. Found myself queuing next to some British muso types (going to Taiwan to do workshops and concerts). Classical types, you know the sort - out of date clothing, floppy hair, wire framed glasses. However, I was too jetlagged and uninspired to get into the conversation so I made do with extracting a one-word deadpan grunt from an Aussie backpacker who looked at me in a "you're Care in the Community aren't you?" kind of way for gibbering on about having lost my boarding card.

On touching down in Taipei (capital city of Taiwan), it turned out that Superstar DJ Paul Oakenfold had been on the flight. In fact, my new boss Alan actually quizzed him in the airport lobby thinking he was me (the photo I'd sent was hardly complimentary). Anyway, Alan found me and knew his mistake when he saw my sweating form dragging my huge bags about 50 yards behind the Chipmunk of Trance.

Cue 3-hour drive to HuWei in central Taiwan. ANything interesting to report? Erm, Cappucino in cans, drunk with straws, a sign on the freeway for a place (or person maybe) called Little Ding Dong. I kid you not...

Another page worth of drivvle about HuWei town and my first meet and greet at Jordan's Language School soon. For now though, I have a very hard mattress in my new room and it's calling, calling me...

To whoever sent me an email yesterday, I only saw it after I had hit the 'empty folder' button in my hotmail. So sorry! Send it again if you want to. I get LOADS of junk mail every day, so most of it gets sent straight to the Junk Mail folder and I miss it.

Flippin' Spam.

Sorry again!

It's fantastically stormy at the moment. Big big rain and thunder that sounds like it is all around you.

I love it!

Bring on the extreme! :)

Good luck with it all Matt, guess I won't see you online anymore due to timezones and school hours, but at least we have this space. So keep us posted.

Have fun teacher... :)

P.S. Get ready for the heat shock, you may be needing this;

Only 5 hours 'til I fly. I've said bye to my ma (not a happy time at all), plus have now to do the same with Dad and Suzy (sister, if she ever wakes up...).

Hopefully my entries will get much more interesting from here on in. Here's to long flights with Eva Air (I suspect we may have to pedal her off the ground) and tasty food in plastic packs.

Aaaah!

Thorougly hacked off.

Woken at 6am by builders outside my window yelling at each other and clanging scaffolding pipes about. Every morning this happens, even Sunday!
Then my alarm clock decides to be half an hour slow.
After that, supervising recess and lunch at school with no help from anyone else leaves me frazzled.
Then I snapped at the students (arrrgh) when they got too much.
It's also hot. Very hot.
The classroom stinks of vinegar after a science experiment, the students were incredibly ijjity (just made it up, but it seems to fit), and my lack of prep made everything ten times harder to deal with.
Add to this that I was ordered Jessi do this, Jessi do that all day, and you know how I hate to be told what to do....
And of course horrific hormone overload from PMT and I guess there are the ingredients for One Bad Day For Jessi.
Thank god for this long cool glass of Pepsi Twist and as much ice as it will hold.
Happy now.

There aren't any.

Honestly. I stood at a junction the other day for about 15 minutes until there was just enough gap in the traffic for me to risk my life with. I stood there in such a temper! No crossing, zebra or pelican, no gap in the traffic lights that you might use. Nada.

AND.. Even when the light is red people still go. I mean, how's a sensibly cautious girl like me supposed to cross the road around here??

Anyway, I had the same problem today when I visited town and it reminded me. I don't update this site nearly enough. This time, however, I was accosted by a Jehova' Witness. One of the few times that not speaking the local language has been in my favour.

P.S. Have lost more weight.
P.P.S. There is a huge brown moth on this keyboard.
P.P.P.S. The rum around here is great.

Yummy yummy.

School was fun today. I am definitely finding my big flat feet in the school now.

Things are so cool.

(Except for the fact that the kindergarten teacher gets to make tie-on piggy faces and I have to do algebra. But you can't have everything. At least 7th grade are much better behaved!!)

Even though it's so hot it's almost unbearable, and even though the mosquitos are hungry for my blood again, and even though I worked all weekend etc. etc............

Today is a good day!

Some days you just can't help smiling all day can you? No matter what happens it doesn't get you down, and everyone you meet says how happy you look.

Yey! I had one o' them! :)

xxx

They take so long, I have a headache and I'm fed up of them.

Today I have worked so hard, and it is Sunday and all I want to do is not work. :(

I will now bang my fists against the keyboard.

jkhgsd;khb;kds;KUDFS;IUDSFK;JBkjskj;k;jhf;lkgra

Tantrums do not help.

OK, so I had a parents evening last night. I'm fine.

OK, so I can't speak Spanish to the parents. That's fine.

OK, so I have taught one grade for 7 days in total, and the other grade for 2 days. It's still fine.

Well excuse me, but It's NOT Fine!!

I was so worried about it and I was so ashamed that I could not communicate with the parents of the students I am teaching. :(
I wish I could speak Spanish. Oh well, the feedback I got was that I was very nice, very friendly (must learn Spanish) and that they are pleased that their children have their english teacher from England. At least they got that I am nice! Hope they liked me - they seemed to at least.

Aside from that I smiled a lot and stuck out like a great white sore thumb. I swear some people think I glow in the dark because my skin is so white. Haha. Not stressing my skin by tanning it though, so people had better just shade their eyes!

Get this. I can hardly believe it myself, but I'm putting in a full day's work!!

I got up at 6.40am, in school by 7.45am (ish). Taught from 8.00am until 3.00pm, rushing home and back again at recess in the blazing sun. Then I worked on the prep for tomorrow, marked some test papers, planned next week's lessons and the next social studies test for Monday until 8.30pm! Of course I still have to plan for the dreaded parents evening tomorrow night, but that can wait I reckon. I'm absolutely wiped out!

I don't think I was built for working that much. Better start taking it easy. *wink

Sorry Mat, I tried to make the page centred and all the text went centred too. Does it look pap or shall I leave it?

The mozzie bites are slowly but surely dying down. At worst I was covered with scarlet polka dots all over. Not pretty. Ah well, could be worse.

Today is a public holiday so everyone has gone down south to the beach. And what am I doing? Staying at home to do more preparation for class. It's okay though, peace and quite is rare around here, and the beach will be there next time.

P.S. I'm still not used to the food... Everyone says how awful English food is, but unless its pizza I'm really struggling to enjoy a meal here! At least I'll lose some weight. Hehe. Actually maybe not. Do you know, they fry EVERYTHING! Meat, rice, cheese, plantain etc. etc.

G.Reasy.

Yes!!!!

And next week is a three day week due to a National Holiday or two. Aren't I a mean teacher - the kids have Spanish tests on Wed, Thurs, and Fri, and I have two more for them in English. Hehehe

Ah well. Everyone's happy with a four day weekend so it's not all bad.

It's pampering time for teacher now, foot rubs, body lotions and mosquito bite treatments. You know I don't think there is one hungry mosquito left around here, I have fed a million of them.

Love to all

OK here goes..

I'm standing outside the classroom. I'm about to face my first 6th grade class. On my own. By myself. Mm.

I'm panicking, my nerves are shot, I feel sick - did I eat? I don't think so. Am I trembling? Yes I'm trembling. Oh my word, it's time to go in.

The room is tiny!! Everyone is squashed in and I can't get my enormous behind between the tables. Great. Boy it's warm. Okay, let's start with a little get-to-know-you routine. Everyone introduce yourselves... why are they looking at me like I'm from outer space? Never mind. Better start teaching.

Hm. Writing on the board is fun. My writing suddenly looks dreadful, oh how mortifying, I hope they don't think I am a bad teacher. Uh oh, this lesson is dragging, am I taking too long writing? Uh huh. Everyone is talking in American accents. Wierd.

Oh man, I haven't got a watch. Whats the time? I don't know what to do next. There seem to be a few long pauses in the room..... ... Link