We’ve just had our first in-school SARS briefing. The reason? 5 (yes, count ‘em, 5!) cases have been ‘discovered’ in Yun Lin county, where we’re located. By ‘discovered’, this in fact means that 5 students from Taipei have been brought back to the nearest city to us (Toulio, pronounced Do-Lee-Oh) so they can be quarantined near their families, rather than up-country.

The key changes at school are outlined below. They are more important than teaching, we’re told, because (as my boss just put it) “protect life will be the first priority”.

* Disinfection of the entire school. Too right, it bloomin’ needs it!

* Everyone will have their temperature taken when they arrive – if it’s below 37.5C then they’re allowed in (I’m currently trying to think of ways to engineer a high temperature for prolonged periods of time for those days when I have 5 classes!)

* Everyone must wash their hands, pretty much all the time.

* The air conditioning throughout the school will be turned OFF (which should be really nice and improve the already noxious Taiwanese aroma no end). Shame, sorry, I’m being facetious, but it certainly will be sticky!

* We are allowed to wear medical masks if we so desire.

In a VERY Taiwanese turn of events, midway through our SARS briefing the boss’s voice was drowned out by a huge college parade going past the front door, consisting of a marching band and several hundred students chanting and wearing costumes ranging from transvestite nurses to Egyptian pryramids, insects and ancient warriors. I noticed there were no accompanying nuclear-strength firecrackers though (they must have had a run on)…