Well, it's been around three weeks since I returned and moved to sunny Manchester. The half-expected 'reverse culture shock' hasn't really happened. That could be because I came back to Blighty in July (which was slightly weird as detailed on this site) or because I spent a week roving the country before I moved up to Manc, checking that friends and family were still there and bearing up okay.

Weather-wise, it's certainly been chilly which has been very nice indeed! (Yes, you read that right!) There's something very relaxing about not being in a constant sticky sweat the whole time, and about being caught in the rain without worrying your hair will fall out. Other points worth noting are that I haven't once shouted "No Chinese!" since I returned, though I did thank a shop worker in Chinese, much to their bemusement.

Am I missing teaching? Don't be silly. Am I missing the kids? Well one class maybe (my small K1 blighters), largely they sent me a package full of rather cute Christmas cards!

Manchester is as expected... bustling, lots going on, lots to do, lots of money requred to enjoy it all. My career situation at present is hardly that of a high-flyer, temping as I am at Central Library. This is a stop-gap however, whilst I track down some serious permanent work that doesn't involve fannying around with invoices whilst fighting off sleep.

Manchester triathlon club hath been joined and is very hardcore indeed, as hoped. I've also found a music shop to practice sax in, owned by an 84-year old ex-professional saxophonist who's a mine of information and grand lad to boot.

Couple of quick and utterly abysmal jokes for ya:

1
- Why does Edward Woodward have four D's in his name?
- Because if he didn't, he'd be called E-Wah-Woo-Wah

2
- What is ET short for?
- He's only got little legs!

It's the way I type 'em.

And there's another song I can't get out of my head. Bugger.
Anyway, the time has come to close off this little sprogblog, try to save some of the entries before I wipe all our hard work and memories from the great Antville Server Almighty.
Anything to add Matt?

I know I don't officially belong to this blog any more, but seeing as I set the whole bloody thing up, I feel it is my prerogative to add the odd thing now and then. And here's an odd thing..

I've got a car!!! It is blue and it is a Rover. It is a 416i and it is blue and it is big. I bought it at an auction (SO dodgy) for about half it's Parker's Used Car Guide value and it's not stolen. It goes brrrrm brrrrrm and it is so blue I have to tell you all over again. The road tax cost me one hundred and sixtyfive bleedin' pounds though. This government is having a laugh. Have you seen the price of fuel lately?

Anyway. Having a job that pays more than half a loaf of bread a week gives you more advantages than owning a complete wardrobe. I now have a blue car, too.

Welcome to a British payroll, girlie.

xXx

I'm coming hooooooome!

Providing there are no suicide bombers on board, or terrorists wanting to fly us into landmarks, or even simple common or garden hijackers who just want a little diversion, I will be flying transatlantic today.

South West Wales (via Madrid) here I come, see you guys tomorrow night.

I will smell, but hug me anyway.

UPDATE: I am back. I did not get blown up by terrorists. It is grey and cold.

I've just come back from another party where I can't communicate with anyone because I don't speak Spanish, they don't speak English (obviously) and I stand out like a mute sore thumb.

I think three hours of sipping beer and silently smiling at anyone who looks at you is enough to be polite isn't it?

Oh my god this is so distressing. I am going through all my stuff (you know how I like to hoard!) with a bin bag and throwing away anything that is not essential or won’t fit in my suitcase. All my clothes!! It’s painful! All my cosmetics, mosquito repellents, sun creams! Even my knickers are getting chucked. Packing is horrible at the best of times, but this time it feels like I’m packing up a life (and a very nice life at that, thank you very much), and what I can cram into my suitcase is what’s left to accompany me to a cold, harsh new life.

I know, a bit dramatic, but that’s what it feels like. This is the pants bit about moving on.

I just put together a few links to resources for teachers.

some teacher resources on the net

(application/octet-stream, 30 KB)

Depending on your standpoint, I'm at the best/worst point of being away from home - buying pressies to take back for everyone.
Not that anyone deserves anything.. Just how many emails have you sent me recently? Maybe I can skip buying pressies for you guys and concentrate on finishing off my wage packet on nice ikkle things for ME.
Now that's a fine idea. I'm off to the mall.

I don't like this 'being off work' lark at all. I have been off work for four days now and already I'm staying up too late, eating too much, drinking too much and getting up later and later. I'm also losing the will to move, it seems. I mean I am not getting any exercise at all, just sitting on my bum wherever possible. And when you are off work there is a lot of possible.

Help me, please, before I turn into a lazy lardarse with a drink problem.

from the birthday party, but I'm waaaaay too tired to tell you about it. Are you kidding? an overnight party with a bunch of teenagers? I'll write more when I've slept for half a day.

That's it. No more students. Well, that's not strictly true, as I will see half of them tomorrow at a birthday party. It was horrible to see them all go today though, one by one. "Bye Miss Jessi" "I'll miss you". I'll flipping miss them too, I can tell you. If there was a scanner that works around here I'd post the pics of the photos, but you may just have to wait till I get home. They're beautiful! All of them! It is heartbreaking to have to say goodbye.

I also had to say final goodbyes to the Ex, too. He called me over this afternoon and said such nice things to me that I burst into tears there and then. I tried to reciprocate his gesture, but it backfired of course due to his knowledge of English. Again. Who knew "my heart aches for you every time I remember what we had" could be construed as something offensive? Apparently it can. It reminded me of how hard it is to say heartfelt things to someone and then spend ten minutes translating it into phrases they understand. It kind of loses the meaning somewhere along the way.

P.S. For those not in the know already, I have a flight via Madrid booked for the 1st/2nd of July. I should be back in West Wales by the Wednesday night. Yep, thats only 10 more short days left in Caribbean paradise.

I have a dreadful cold. One of those viruses that aches in your bones and makes your neck swell up. Thank goodness it's the last day of school today. It's the day when the report cards are handed out and kids bring me pressies. Yey! Some of them have got really good taste, too. =)

All the goodbyes are almost too sad for words though.

In order of ikky-ness, some things I've noticed;

I love scraping my nails on the chalkboard to wind the kids up.

A boy lost a fingernail to a door in school today.

My toenails taste like peanuts.

To all the dads out there but especially one tall, greying, cuddly, squash playing vitamin addict in Whitland..

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

*kisses*

xxx

I have made a terrible mistake.

I came to live and work in the Caribbean for a year.

Great, so I only shelled out £450 to get here, I spent a fabulous time in the sun, became a teacher, made wonderful new friends, had beautiful experiences and had myself an utterly fantastic year. So why the maudlin sarcasm Jess?

Well I didn't count on not being able to get back to the UK, did I? I have come to realize now, that while a flight to get here was pretty cheap, it is nigh on impossible to fly back for the same price, which is kind of what I was counting on seeing as I've been earning less than £50 a week. The best prices I can find to fly back to the UK have been £7/800, some quotes as high as £1,000/1,5000.

Rip. Off.

So, I now find myself in the enviable position of being absolutely skint, with an incredibly modest amount of pesos clinking together in my bank account, and no flight home. In short. I am stuck, and have no prospect whatsoever of raising the cash to get home.

HEELLLLLPP!!!!!!

On 29/03/2006, according to EstasMuerto.com (It's a spanish site, sorry, but you can do what I did and translate it). Apparently, I am going to slash my wrists with a shaving blade at age 29, after a friend of mine gave their life to save mine. Oh, and spend thousands of years of suffering with the Fallen Angel who visits through a Ouija board. Hehe. COOL!

Here's the spanish transcript.

Motivo de tu muerte: Jamás has sido creyente, jamás has creído en Dios ni en Satán, jamás hasta hoy. Con tus amigas os habéis reunido todas en tu casa. Aburridas se os ha ocurrido la idea de hacer espiritismo. La flecha se ha movido por las letras. Cada una pensábais que era otra quien lo hacía. Pero cuando habéis dejado de tocar la flecha, ella seguía moviéndose. Preguntásteis el nombre del espíritu y sólo Dios, en el que empezaste a creer en ese mismo instante, sabe el miedo que sentiste cuando deletreo que era El Angel Caído. Dijo que hoy se llevaría a una de vosotras con él y disfrutaría mil años con su sufrimiento antes de liberarla. La muerte de una de tus amigas significaba salvar tu vida. Ahora asombradas, inmovilizadas por no sabes que fuerza, te observan, con un atisbo de relajación por no ser ellas las elegidas, como te tumbas en la cama y sin ser dueña de ti misma haces una profunda incisión en cada una de tus muñecas con una cuchilla de afeitar. Y sabes que el miedo que estás pasando ahora no es nada comparable a lo que vas a pasar...

Here's what I am single handedly (thanks Spanish teacher) organizing for the end of school production.

All of 6th and 7th grade are performing to a soundtrack by Juan Luis Guerra; "El Niágara en Bicicleta". It's entirely in Spanish, but I got some of the students to translate the lyrics, and basically it compares the trials of going to a Third World hospital with crossing the Niagara Falls on a bicycle. Somehow I have to fit a dance/act/comedy sketch around the following lyrics;

I passed out and fell like a fruit. They carried my to the hospital where the receptionist was listening to the lottery (thirty thousand pesos).

"Someone help me!"

A nurse approached and said to my ear "Relax, Bobby, relax" "I must check your pressure but the room is occupied, and there is no electricity for an electrocardiogram".

It is very hard to cross the Niagara on a bicycle.

Don't tell me that the doctors left.
Don't tell me that you don't have anesthesia.
Don't tell me that they drank the alcohol and that
the suture thread was embroidered in a tablecloth.
Don't tell me that the tweezers were lost,
that the stethoscope is at a party, that the X-rays melted,
and that the serum was used to sweeten the coffee.

May god help me.

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"Oh, hi kids.."

It must be so embarrassing when your teacher shows up at the same movie as you. All the way down the aisle I was greeted by various members of 6th and 7th grade.

Anywho, Identity turned out to be a wee bit too scary, so we switched to the Vin Diesel flick A Man Apart. Lots of guns and gangsters and explosions of course, and it was O.K.ish, but not as good as XXX which, in my opinion, was Kew-el.

It was so cool to get out and go to the mall though. We saw movies, look in shop windows, ate pizza, hung out, lost the cell phone, talked about boys. I was almost 14 again. Hehe. Oh yeah, and I had my spanish well and truly scoffed at by a 12 yr old. Muchas Gracias chico. =)

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I ate maggots last night. Can you fricking believe it? I had already munched my way through half of the almonds before I noticed they had little holes in, and that the white crumby stuff in the jar was MAGGOT EGGS. There were a few actual real live squirmy ones too.

So I spent most of the night in a fit with my fingers down my throat. So nice.

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A toyota passed me on the way home from school with an English number plate. Bizarre.

BTW Louise - how is your driving coming?

We were at the house at the beach yesterday - a lovely arty type place, where you can hippy-out and get creative. Anyway, the kids were in the water and I was watching from the window and thinking about what to paint next. As I looked on a swell in the water became a gigantic shark swimming towards the children and in two dramatic and vicious bites, ate one of them. Oh my god! It was terrifying! I woke up crying my eyes out.

And in real life, I got an electric shock from the mains in the classroom. Thankfully the voltage here is pretty low and I had rubber soles, so I'm not dead. Almost died of embarassment though, the yelp you let out when you get an electric shock is so cringeworthy.

Mat. You have ceased blogging. What does this mean?

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inside my head;

"... We're doin' it babyyyy, we're out here on the floor tonight, yeah. No worries babyyyyyy, forget about the troubles in your life.. Shake your booty cutie, And show me you can dance.. ah ah ahaaaaha .. Sexy belly baby, I wanna watch you swing your pants..."

Someone get it out! Get it out! It's driving me around the bend!

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As addicting as the net is, staring at the screen for hours on end when you have a chore to do, is not my idea of fun. And in addition to turning my eyeballs a crimson shade due to over-exposure to the monitor, I have been cursing and swearing and finding myself in NEED of some strong alcohol to calm my nerves. All in the vain hope of finding a ticket home that will cost less than HALF MY YEARLY SALARY. It can't cost that much to cross the Atlantic. It can't! So far, the prices quoted have been between £1,000 and £1,500. Can you believe it? Extortionate, thats what I say. I did manage to find one flight for £748, but even thats one I can't afford. Not on my pesos I can't.

Ah well, gotta keep on searching. Hope you are all enjoying your weekends a little more.

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What do you do when there's just no time to blog? If your day is so chock full of stuff that you want to write about that you don't have time to write it - how does your blog happen? I am swamped with things going on, and plenty to share. Just no time or energy left to share.

I wish I had just an extra 5 minutes a day (I can hear time management seminars a-calling me from afar) so I could sit down and take stock. After all, isn't that what this on-line lark is about? Of course, this one is primarily intended for keeping in contact with all the loved ones thousands of miles away, but even so, the act of journal keeping for whatever purpose is a good reflecting-on-the-day moment. I'd recommend it to anyone. Anyone with time of course. Which brings my terribly written prose back to square one again; if you have a life to write about then you don't have the time to write it. Man. Other people seem to be able to blog full and exciting (and always witty and entertaining) lives. And they form better sentences too. Life's not fair.

By the way it was the last day of teaching today. Yey! Only reviews and exams and marking and report cards and resits to go. And parties and shopping and sight-seeing and rum drinking and packing and saying bye bye.

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End of term. Too damn tired to post.

Finally I was asked by a student if "all living orgasms" are carnivores. I've been waiting all for year for that slip-up.

=)

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Yesterday upped the cuteness factor considerably. I thought it would be painfully 'sweet' and 'nice', but it was excellent!

Let me explain. It was the mother's day celebrations in school (mother's day is the last Sunday in May here), and all the grades performed something touching and lovely for their moms. Yes, I did say 'mom', I have been living here too long. Anyway, we organized the performances to be in the local park – where palm trees line the walkways, sun filters down through the canopy, and we put streamers and decorations up everywhere... AND the children behaved almost perfectly. Sorted!

When the kids performed their cutsie pieces grade by grade, I swear, I had tears in my eyes they were so lovely. Usually I would balk at getting involved, I mean how much "We love mommy, we love mommy, yes we do, yes we do" can you take? These kids, however, were so adorable. Best of all, of course, the parents loved it! They loved the little kid who hogged the microphone and danced like Tom Jones, they loved the teacher having to substitute the kid who chickened out of the maypole dance, they loved the bizarre interpretations of merengue dancing. And best of all, the reason why my neck is having trouble supporting my swollen head is that they loved my grades too! Usually the top grades are overlooked, as the littlest kids are the star kiddies, but yesterday, my kids got the recognition they deserve. I wrote a skit where all the 6th and 7th graders basically complained about their moms, in a completely hammed up and hopefully humorous way, before ‘realizing’ that their moms are actually the best moms in the world etc. etc. Well, the moms were either going to see the funny side at their teens ripping them to shreds on stage, or they were going to hate me. Thankfully it was pulled off and the laughter rang out all the way through. I am so proud! All my kids were wonderful, they loved acting outrageous and when they finished off running into the audience with a rose for their mom, it was the crowning glory. Woohoo!

I don’t even care about the gore when I cut my finger horribly on something in the park, that a big 14 year old boy trod on my sandalled toes and that I burnt the same finger on the scorching tip of a glue gun in a fit of stressed out last minute fixing.

I love being a teacher. Come be in my grade!

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for not posting more often I know its pants of me, but I am SO busy at school its untrue. I promise to be better this this weekend.

kisses

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Absolutely fantasmic films I agree. However, I can't type any more because I am shattered. This teaching lark sure does take it out of you.

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I always thought there was some truth to palmistry, but this little test told me "your years of happiness may be limited", I "lack self-confidence", I am "constantly seeking approval" and I have "envy and self-doubt". Well. I'm gonna have to do some research and find a better guide. Because fortune tellin's important. Like.

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A half-hour walk in the blazing sun,
There and back for a bottle of rum,
I'd just set foot inside the door,
When I smashed the bottle on the kitchen floor.

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Erm. Four of them. Yesterday evening. Near the house. I'm freaked.

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You hear those claxons? Loud huh? I am going out with the ex tonight. As friends.

Gimme an 'D', gimme an 'O', gimme an 'H', what does it spell?

[Update: It went SO badly! Of course. He got drunk, ignored the signals, tried it on, got rejected and decided I was the world's most evil b***h and decided to tell me so. Loudly. The man has such charm.]

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A woman who works in the school made me cry today. I was in a quiet room marking some books, minding my own business, not happy, not sad, when she walked in. Then, one miute she was cleaning the shelves behind me and the next she came up and put her arms around me - and kissed me on the shoulder.

I was so moved by her tender show of affection that as soon as she had gone I burst into tears! It was a real heart-wrench moment, I tell you.

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Wow Chris, your baking soda tip worked. I have been wearing "The Fave" trainers for two whole sweaty-footed days now, and there's not a trace of whiffery. Thanks! =)

The students say thanks, too.

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In order to gauge just how many brain cells were still firing these days, I took the mensa workout, and was SO sure I was going to get a score of 29/30 (I skipped #19!) and my score was 26! Gutted!
So go on, take the test, beat my score...

They reckon with a score of 26 you "have a very strong chance of passing the Mensa test and joining Mensa"

Woop. ee.

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I am struck with the enormity of how much I love teaching, and how much I want to be a teacher for ever. Teaching kids is exactly what I want to do. Need to do.

And every now and then I catch up on some sleep, too.

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I want to be one of those early morning joggers that get up at the crack of dawn and breeze through the day all healthy and fresh. I really do!

Only problem is, that I am awful at getting up in the mornings, terrible at going to bed early and hopeless at running! Too much boobs and bum you see, I can just about manage two minutes before giving up.

I tried for the first time today. I rolled out of bed at an unearthly hour, pulled on my gear which incredibly I had left out the night before, and hit the morning pavement. And I've got to say, I can see the appeal. Even though going to bed early is a pain and getting up early is a living nightmare, it is a fantastic time of the day to be around for.

Note: - it is so not the same as when you've been out all night (I miss the old days), I've finally stopped deluding myself about that one.

=)

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On Dreams; does the name MacVoorhey mean anything to you? That was the name of the lost-earring finding business I dreamed about last night, but the dream was so vivid and the name so dominant that it has stuck with me all day. I also dreamed the freakiest dream about being able to kick my legs so far up that I was able to bend my knee over my shoulder.

On Students; a student informed me on Thursday (it is coming close to report card time again) that if he gets good grades this month his mum will buy him a cell phone. Well that one's not gonna work. Another student has been spectacularly cheating in her weekly tests and I am at a loss as to what to do. Another student has shown me some photos of her in sexy poses and in an outfit that barely covers her most private bits. Um, I know I'm probably a bit past it at 26 yrs old and everything, but KIDS SHOULD NOT BE DOING THAT! Apparently her mum took the pictures.

On the Caribbean; What a fantastic day! It is so warm at the moment, but today it has been cool enough (82°F/28°C) to get on and do stuff, while still sunny and bright and bleeding well gorgeous. Sorry.

P.S. I woke up this morning mysteriously clutching an earring in my hand but unfortunately not able to wrap my legs around my shoulders.

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I'm glad my students didn't find this when we were writing poems in class a couple of weeks back.

This site generates a poem based on the content of the URL you type in. Go ahead, type in your site. I went ahead and typed in my site and it came up with this;

Larf. I larfed.

Mon 5 May 2003, 02:46
SARS briefing
The clock which I
was set for
just wanna get
back.
I feel great, pics from a
party on sweating. Still,
gave an old relationship,
he was attacked
on the dancefloor
and
screaming gibberish at
all.
In for 6:00am. This one
kid is. It.
Big as my fly, waving it
too, hilarious - the first was attacked.
Still, veggie, so
hope your flight was good.

I have to tell you about Presidente beer. It is simply the best brew in the whole wide world. Yes it is. Oh yes.

Those lucky enough to know me might get a taste in the summer if I can fit any in my suitcase.

Widda widda wicked.

P.S. Check the time comparison thingy I wrote down on the bottom right of the page. Yes this is what I do on a Saturday night with no boyfriend.

P.P.S. The Ex rang me tonight - said his "soul told him to call" Yeah right.

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I just wanted to report on a rather small yet disturbing thing that is taking place. About 2ft away from me there is a large cockroach slowly dying, and has been for the last two hours. It has apparently managed to poo out all of it's guts and has made a gooey mess on the tiles, and is now lying there wearily twirling it's antennae around. I do wish it wouldn't.

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Need some advice please..

I have these slip-on-half-trainers shoes that are simply The Fave, and I wear them all the time. But they stink. Proper putrid. I had to leave halfway through the day yesterday to change shoes and spare the poor students. How can I get rid of the pong? I've tried disinfectant, soap, vinegar (I know) but nothing is working. If you know of a solution, let me know!!

Thanks =)

Two really terrible things happened today.

The first was that I woke up early - even before my alarm which was set for 6:00am. "This is nice" I thought as I lay in bed, "it's not so bad getting up early, I feel great, and I don't have to be at school until 8:00." Then I looked at the clock which said 8:16am.

The second terrible thing was that I finally succumbed to the seductive bright lights and polished plastic of McDonalds.
I ate, it was revolting, I feel sick, I will never do it again.

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A little shallow, but today I gave an assessment to a girl who will be joining the school next year, and apparently when she and her mother had arrived and were in the corridor, the mother pointed me out and said "I hope shes your teacher.."

Sweet. =)

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I swear to you, I'm not making this up. It happened AGAIN!

Innocently walking down the road I was passed by a man on a motorbike. The man turned down the street that I live on, and I half-thought to myself that I hoped he wouldn't still be there when I reached the corner. He was. He was parked across the pavement and with a quick check behind him that no-one was around he pulled out his penis.

Well, fantastic. I stopped in my tracks and turned around the way I had come, but of course he followed me on his bike. Duh. "Hey, you don't like my d*ck?" "Go away" "What's wrong? You don't like my.." "GO AWAY" "I want.." "GO AWAY!" Anyway, he got the message and rode off, but man I was scared. Someone was attacked on this road last week apparently, and I'm a complete wet fish when it comes to people because agressive towards me.

I sincerely hope that it never happens to me, or even that any other men want to show me their private parts. Ever. Especially on a Sunday afternoon.

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A beautiful Sunday morning and I'm homesick. I miss England, I miss the plummy voices, I miss the season changes, I miss the shopping. You realize of course that I'm referring to the romantic ideal, not the actual thing. What I mean is, I think I'm in for a sharp reality shock when I get back - I don't think I'll find that it was trudging around Aldi/the pound shops in the rain that I was missing.

The grass is always greener huh?

I am SO not gonna get any sympathy for this post am I?

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Last night I danced. With men. To a band.

It was fun, but I wonder if it'll ever be like this in England - where people go to 'dances' and the girls sit and wait to be asked to dance. When a man approaches a girl, the couple hold hands to walk to the dancefloor, and then hold each other to dance. Oh wait, it did used to be like that. About fifty years ago.

It really is bizarre, of all the culture differences you experience when you move to another country, this one has been the hardest to get accustomed to. I just wanna get dressed up, breeze into a club, get onto the dancefloor and do my thang. None of this hanging around waiting for a man to ask you to dance and then only dance for one song (actually some people stay for two, but it gets pretty hot, so objection overruled). I mean, what a waste of time, sitting around when you could be having a party on the dancefloor.

Anyway, quit complaining Jessi, you had fun.

Have I told you about the music/dancing here? The music they play in nightclubs is about 90% merengue, a little salsa, a little bachata and two or three tracks per night of 'american music'. The band last night was playing 'merengue tipico' which is so much faster than the regular stuff. If you don't know what merengue sounds like, download some from Kazaa/imesh etc. Try dancing to it too, it's hilarious the first time you try. Basically, you step from foot to foot with every beat of the music, while swinging your behind like there's no tomorrow. Simple huh? Then of course you should be dancing with the man leading and the girl following, throw in a few turns and twirls (technical terms!) and you are dancing merengue. Woohoo!

When I got home, I think I must've not had enough because apparently (I can't actually remember, Mrs. Vodkaandorangejuice won't let me), I dug out my merengue CDs. As you do. I should've just gone to bed like normal people, I had a dentist appointment booked for 8.00am. Hehehe.

today's efforts

sleeping *	exercising *****	veggie-ing *
watering ***	handwashing ***	laughing *****

Woke up fully clothed, full make up, lights left on and my discman still on my head.

I fell asleep dancing again didn't I?

So anyway, this morning I missed my dentist appointment, scheduled a new one, had the coldest, harshest shower, tried to limit the floods of 'I-just-remembered-what-I-did-last-night-s' to small doses and poured a cup of Dominican ginger tea. Oh yummy scrummy. I also cleared away the pile of CDs I had obviously demolished while selecting the beat of the hour last night and cleared away the empty can of tuna(!) and soda cracker wrapper - I must've been hungry when I got home.

Don't you just love morning afters? Complete lack of co-ordination or organization, spinning head, eyeballs like cactus skin, funky smelling clothes and a ridiculous appetite for protein. Is that just me? I am still veggie, so I guess it might be.

The best thing about morning afters in the Dominican Republic is opening the windows to air the room. You are greeted by the softest breeze, streaming sunshine, the bluest skies and a whacking great palm tree that looms 30ft up in the air outside your room. Kinda puts things into perspective, I can tell you.

Right now though, I must take off the make up that has forgotten to wash itself off. I'm a little scared of what's lurking underneath..

today's efforts

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Or did I dump him? It's hard to tell. So anway, once again I trudge back to spectacular spinsterville with my tail between my legs and accept singledom all over again. I hope to flip I can find someone to while out the rest of my days with, 'cos it's flipping lonely on my own. I sound like an old woman huh? Well, it's dawning on me that I only have a couple of Caribbean months left before I have to head on back to Old Blighty. The sun'd better bloody be out when I get back I'm telling you. So here's your notice Sun Gods.. I should be going back around July-ish.

... note to self; today you chewed two nails off in a fit of nervous stress and chewed all the others off in a bout of depression, so you now have STUBBY FINGERS. Don't do it again. Also, this will serve as a marker to tell how long it takes for the flipping things to grow back again. note to self over ...
... note to self #2, it is now the end of MAY and your nails have only just grown to normal length again.

today's efforts

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watering ****	handwashing *	laughing *

A couple of people asked me if I got a chocolate egg on the weekend..

No they dont do chocolate eggs at easter here. What they do is turn off all music and general good humour on Good Friday and wait for it.. mourn the death of Jesus. Then the mourning period lasts until the Sunday when everyone kind of goes 'Jesus this/Lord that/Happy Easter/Lets go to bed early'. Religion is messed up if you ask me.

today's efforts

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watering ****	handwashing *	laughing *

OK, so I haven't said anything about it yet (BAD jessi) but I have been kinda seeing the ex. We got pretty close again last week, and have been out a couple of times. Only thing is, I'm not into rekindling the old relationship we used to have, and I needed to let him know.

He on the other hand seemed to think that we could just pick up where we left off and everything would be peaches and cream. So not the case. So I got together with him this afternoon and had a 'we have to define our relationship' chat. Boy did he take it badly! I thought all men would love to hear things like "let's keep it casual" and "I'm not ready to commit" after all these phrases seem to slip easily off their tongues. I was so wrong. Oh well, at least he now knows where he stands.

In other news, I have a stinking hangover today from a late night session with some wicked girls from New Jersey. (Thanks girls) Hope you enjoyed your visit to the Domincan Republic and your flight was good. xx

today's efforts

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Nice to hear from you man, and even nicer to hear about your endowments.

that cultivating relationships with the internet is infinitely more simple than with actual people in real life.

Also that eating crackers with stitches along your gumline still hurts as much when you are drunk.

today's efforts

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I have stopped bleeding. Phew. I'm left with some revolting looking bruises though. Yuk. But who gives a whatsit anyway??

I am going out dancing with the girls tonight - Woohoo!!! There may be trouble though, there's a full moon and nightclubs full of brew.. We'll wait and see how much havok we can cause. And about time too I say. Nothing like a good booze knees up. Hehe.

I'll check back with you tomorrow with an almighty hangover I'll wager. "You have a WOMAN'S hangover my lord"

got stood up - life's a pile of ----

today's efforts

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watering ****	handwashing **	laughing ****

I seem to be bleeding. Quite a lot. It won't stop -what do I do?

UPDATE: 48 hrs later and I'm still bleeding. This is so not fun. I'm going back to the dentist.

I'm a sucker when it comes to this dentist lark. I found myself gazing up at the horrid strip lights again this morning, while the guy prodded and poked and made me bleed. Our lack of a common language is a bit of a bugger, and every time he ends up doing quite the opposite of what I think he's going to.

I have got to admit, even though I'm one of these practical, down-to-earth types who doesn't even flinch when faced with blood/needles etc. I do tend to freak a little when it's going on in my mouth. Dunno why, but I'm not alone, am I? So when he pulls out the big hyperdermic I spin into a mini hyperventilation. OK, I only got freaked, but the nail scissors come out next and I begin to shake and squirm.. whenever he uses these his mouth does this weird chewing/concentration thingie and that's just plain scary. So then out comes the scalpel. He uses this to saw bits off instead of cut them. I am in a state of mild panic by now, and I am shaking uncontrollably, sweating and crying and everyone is looking rather concerned.. apparently at the lack of blood in my hands (eh?).

Ok so after about an hour of this I have stayed conscious, calmed down to a state of nervous anxiety and thankfully stopped blubbing. Satan The dentist seems to be wrapping it up a bit now. The blood gush has lessoned to an occasional spurt and my face is being mopped up. Thank god. And out comes... a needle and thread! WHAT THE??? You've cut me up so badly you have to stitch it together?? What the **** have you been doing in there?? Well folks this was the final straw. I managed to hold onto my bladder for the last 15 minutes while he practiced his needlecraft - not an easy feat as the anaesthetic seems to have worn off in the last hour that he has been fooling around, but I was truly and utterly unhinged. I went into shock from that point on, and have been ever since. I managed to mumble my address to a taxi driver and get back home, fill a woolly sock with ice and press it to my face while I wrote this one-handed. And now I am going to crawl into a corner and feel very sorry for myself.

today's efforts

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watering ****	handwashing **	laughing *

I watched telly with a frog. A big, kinda beige coloured frog who obviously just wanted company and decided I could provide it. =) It sat on the seat next to me and in return for my (delightful) company, provided me with a completely unresponsive conversational partner. In other words.. I talked to a frog while watching the telly last night.

Ah.

Anyway, I don't think it was actually watching it, I mean do frogs like trashy American TV?

P.S. The ex called me this morning and wants to get together to 'talk'. I said yes, because it is on the way to a party I am going to tonight, but I think he is planning something. Am I a fool? I am trying my hardest to build up a good friendship with the guy, don't want to offend him. On the other hand, I don't want to leap into a slushy reunion. Mind you, if I've started talking to frogs maybe I need to get me a life. Especially when I start to write about it on the net. Oh piddle.

today's efforts

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as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what?

A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

today's efforts

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watering **	handwashing ****	laughing ****

Not really, but I just found this apathic journal generator that insired me(!). Go have a look, it's funny.

Perfect for those days when nothing really happened and you don't know what to write. Saves you the bother of thinking of something. Hehe.

That never happens to me. No.

Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

No way am I going to let piercing close up, but what can I do? I could improvise with a paperclip I suppose. Oh man, this truly is a bum situation.

Any donations of a 13mm steel bar with two balls (plastic, size - small) will be gratefully accepted at the following address;

Casa Bummed Out
#8 Flucking Humid Today Street
NoBodyPiercingAllowedHeresville
Island
Caribbean

today's efforts

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watering *****	handwashing *****	laughing *****

Wow!

Hope you'll You will be very happy together!

today's efforts

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Bliss! I got caught in the rain just now, walking back from the dentist, and Dominican rain is such a treat! The raindrops are HUGE and warm, and they don't drip or drop or pitter patter so much as ... um ... well, FLUP. I got completely soaked to the skin and it was so lush and warm and kinda cozy too. Mad eh? I generated a good few comments from people - "Crazy American", because here, no-one walks in the rain. Uh uh. I don't care though. Let them stare!

today's efforts

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www.schoolblogs.com

An excellent game I shared with the students today..
Everyone leaves the room except three people and the host (teacher). The three people get into a row while the host goes out of the room and blindfolds a volunteer, before guiding them into the room. The host explains to the volunteer that they are to try and recognize by touch each of the three people. The host holds the index finger of the volunteer and guides it over the face of the first person. "This is the nose" as the finger is guided over the nose. "These are the lips" as the finger is guided over the lips. "This is the left eye" as the finger is guided over the left eye lid. Likewise with the right eye. After this is done, the host asks the volunteer if they can recognize the person.

The host then moves on to the second seated person and repeats the procedure. And again with the third seated person, only this time, when the host is holding the index finger of the volunteer and is just about to stroke the right eyelid, the host plunges the finger into a bowl of jelly. The volunteer thinks he has just plunged his finger into the persons eye! It really feels like it - everyone who does it screams. The people outside of the room wonder what is going on. Repeat all this again with another volunteer who is outside of the room. Eventually you will have a classroom full of prior victims anticipating the "jelly moment".
An excellent game I'm telling you, I had students clinging on to me for dear life with anxiety and terror. And they loved it. Hehe.

today's efforts

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I nearly peed my pants. Oh mirth. Turn your speakers up for this insanity test.

click here

today's efforts

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watering *****	handwashing *****	laughing *****

It was the most fun, confusing and stressful day I have had this year. The kids liked it though.

The other teachers, however, said they thought I had gone mad. Perhaps I have..

today's efforts

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watering *****	handwashing ****	laughing *****

I was just writing this weeks spelling words on the board.. the room was hot and sticky.. the chalk was snowing down around my fingers.. the kids were quiet (!).. and I was just thinking 'I need a pee, I wonder if I can leave them for a second...' and an all-consuming, overwhelming urge took over me! I was blown away by the sensation! I could hardly contain myself. No, it wasn't for whatever you are thinking, it was an urge for a basket of scampi and a pint of lager top in a pub garden in Carmarthen. How bizarre.
I could just see the wonky wooden tables, I could just smell the greasy french fries, I could just hear the jukebox filtering through from inside, I could just taste the tartare sauce. Oh! the ketchup! I wonder if you can buy tartare sauce out here, the ketchup's really naff. Nice mayonnaise though.

Enough.

today's efforts

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watering *****	handwashing ****	laughing *****

The kids like the substitute teacher more than me.

OK, so she has less responsibility and therefore less stress than me, has a load of new games that they don’t know from me, and extra time to play them in due to last minute timetable changes. I can handle coming second in a popularity contest, that’s not a problem, but they are actually saying that she is a better teacher than me – when I asked why they said because she plays games and has fun.

No fair! I hardly ever get to play anymore, there is never enough time, and I’ve run out of original games anyway. And now the students are asking when the substitute teacher is coming again. To think I actually hired her, paid her my own money, just so that she could turn my students against me.

today's efforts

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... for the mosquitos at least. Not content with all four limbs and my entire torso they have now decided that my neck and the palms of my hands are tasty areas too!

Oh Leave. Me. Alone.

today's efforts

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watering **	handwashing **	laughing *****

I am hot and sweaty and completely shattered.

I am learning how to play basketball. Yey!

today's efforts

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watering *****	handwashing *****	laughing *****

I did get paid today, but I also just managed to spend $500 by accident. That's almost two day's pay! I only went down to the shop to buy oats and sugar. Aargf. Must be more carefull when faced with commercialism.

today's efforts

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watering **	handwashing *****	laughing *****

How pants. I went to the supermarket and found that I had just 61 pesos left in my account, so I had to walk all the way back empty handed. Ah well, payday must be this week..

today's efforts

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watering ***	handwashing ****	laughing ***

I need a hit list!!
I had to go for a loooong walk just now and decided that a few new year march resolutions were in order. So here they are;

I need more…
* sleep
* water
* exercise
* vegetables
* hand washing
* laughing

I reckon I’d better stick to these…

My students today told me that I am too old to 'dance reggae''.

=(

I have been told.

AAaargh. Vent! Vent! Vent! I had to run away from school just now (Though I have officially finished for the day). Too much stress for me by half. I have been running around like said headless chicken all day, trying vainly to look cool, calm and collected, while internally having a minor breakdown, I SO need an expresso right now. Shall I bore you with the details? - moody kids, failed exams, dreadful homeworks, 'reading marathon' results to present ON FRIDAY with not an appropriate reading level book in sight..... Uh oh, I'm steaming up again.

And so, I ran away (with the intention of returning later when there are less people about) to my familiar 17" screen with the zen-like desktop, comfy seat and English radio stations. thank you technology

And relax.

As cute as they are, the weather pixies just aren't accurate enough. In fact, sometimes they just blatently lie. So, how about this one instead...?

I know, its not as pretty. Let me know.

Ok, so now to find an original, cheap (in fact, free) crafty ideas for the kids to make this week for mom's day. It must be something that the mums will love, and something that will make them love ME. Man, I find getting on with the parents the hardest part of the job, you know. I thank my lucky stars that I don't have much conversing to do with them, as most of them don't speak english, but I still have to make quite a big effort with them... if only we could deal with just students - how much easier would that be?!

So, something easy to make, that looks professional and will make her say "aaah" is required. Something with flowers on. Something pink. There will be something out there, if I find anything good I'll share..

P.S. Mr.Ex is not speaking to me. Did I mention he is immature? I have tried and tried to just say hi, how are you, I hope you are OK and he is blatently blanking me. Ah well, no skin off my nose.

Superpills or no superpills, I've got to tell you... Life is good. Mainly because I'm in the Caribbean, I reckon. I was just walking home from school this afternoon thinking how fantastic it is to be able to leave work and take a stroll down a palm-tree shaded street with a warm tropical breeze and cute birdsong coming from somewhere. The sun is strong, but if you don't walk fast you'll be 'right. There are three trays of ice cubes in the freezer waiting to be doused in (full sugar) Pepsi, and a lovely cool shower waiting for you, too. Oh yes, my friends, this is fine.

So don't let me leave...

And Happy Friday - hope you have a good weekend.

Holy macaroni! I thought it was about time I started topping up the old vitamins, so I tucked into these...

What on earth are they?? They look like little subs - how wierd. And good grief, not only do they have to cram every vitamin known to man into them (half of them aren't even needed) they also stuff each pill sandwich-style with minerals and micronutients and erm - 10 million probiotics. I wonder if they'll give me like - super powers or something... um, no Jessi.

What's next? Little jiggling multicoloured ones?

P.S. Holy macaroni is not something I would ever actually say. It comes from a friend of mine. Just so you know I haven't completely lost it.

I haven’t mentioned the conflict with Iraq on purpose, if you wanna go into it there’s enough out there.
However, I can’t resist when someone puts something together that makes me chuckle. So when I came across this little gem, I had to share..

So, we split up on Friday, and I spent a miserable weekend thinking about him. Then he peacocks in to work on Monday looking Drop Dead Gorgeous. Wearing the shirt he knows I like, wearing his hair the way he knows I like and smiling/being charming to everyone, even me. On Tuesday it is the same story, and then again today. What does this mean? Is he saying “I am over you.”, “I want you back.”, “I want someone - quick!!”…
I refuse to believe that he was so unhappy with me that this groomed, happy display is an expression of ecstatic relief. He never made that much effort before we got together.
Any thoughts?

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned, but in the Dominican Republic, the car horn is used like a sixth gear. Only they mostly drive automatic, so that reference didn’t work.

(off the subject – I drove an automatic for the first time recently – so strange! I don’t think I’m sold on the idea though, not enough vrrm factor)

Then, as I was walking home I noticed a lot of walkers and joggers going in circles around and around the monument. It struck me as bizarre that people around here never walk anywhere – they take cars, bikes, public cars, taxis, conchos, buses etc. and think it’s crazy to actually walk anywhere. They even laugh at me going everywhere on foot! Then, when 5/6 o’clock comes they don their ‘gear’ and they do their ‘exercise’. In boring circles. I guess it’s the same in most countries, but why, people? Why?

... in the Dominican Republic ...

(sorry to copy, but it's such a good idea, couldn't resist.)

1 - to see up to eight or ten people in one car. These are ‘public cars’, the most popular form of transportation around here. Mainly I think because it only costs 7 pesos (about 20p).

2 - for men to have more than one woman on the go. In fact it’s expected. Yuerch.

3 - to find yourself dancing to/singing to/enjoying outdated tunes (and I’m talking sometimes 20 years outdated) that you would scoff at at home, just because you can underdstand the words and you know the tune.

4 - to hear a torrent of expletives coming from my shower at 6:45 in the morning, every morning. Try rolling out of a nice cosy, warm bed, turning off the fan that doesn’t really keep you cool anyway, padding barefoot down an open-air corridor (yes it’s warm) and taking a horrendous shower in ICE COLD water. Then try it when you are half asleep and then you will understand.

What is the point in having relationships? They are a lot of hard work, you are required to constantly take another’s wishes into account, you lose a huge proportion of your independence and when you don’t get on with your partner, you are miserable. Then of course, when you eventually split up… you’re even more miserable. I just don’t get it.

The next relationship I am forced into I am not getting emotionally involved. No way. Too much trouble and heartache for me.

Bitter? Me? At this time in the morning? Don't be daft!

Whoopee. (Sarcasm) Tonight has been fun.

My boyfriend ex-boyfriend behaved so badly this evening that I had to tell him the relationship was over. Yep. He was that bad (I know – two/tango/etc.) that I couldn’t see any future with someone who can pull a strop in two seconds flat and act like a four year old in a temper for two and a half hours. Man! So I had to do the dirty.

It has been building up for a while though - his behaviour has been such a turn off and I’ve been hoping it would get better, but it didn’t. I’ve never met anyone like him, and in grave danger of sounding too in-the-aftermath-bitter-and-resentful I’ve got to say… Oh my god! I’ve never met such an immature and selfish person! So really its a good thing that we have finished, I wouldn’t have been able to cope in the long run. Why do the best looking ones always turn out to be such *******s?

And so the relationship is dead, long live the relationship.

On the upside (more sarcasm) I took my mother to the airport tonight for her return flight to the UK, so there’s something else to feel a wee bit sad about, too.

“This evening” she said in her best west country accent, “I shall be mostly wearing big puffy eyes and smeared mascara”.

I wish I had such grand tales of adventure to give you as Mat does. I don't however, and today I'm a bit short on the old creative front and won't write a novel about what news I do have. And so, news - 1) National Independence Day celebrations at school tomorrow, have made loads of glittery and colourful and glued and taped and stapled things, 2) Came across another flasher while out walking the other day, glad about that, was feeling neglected (Uhuh), and, oh yes, nearly forgot... 3) my mummy is coming tomorrow! Hurry up mum, I need some hugs and kisses.

First off, sorry. I have tried to post every day for the last few days, but the net is too slow at the moment.

And so. The students have been acting up recently. Little things, nothing serious, it's been quite funny really. And then I found this!;

******

How to annoy your teacher.

Ask to go to the bathroom every 10 min.

Keep dropping your pencil/pen on the floor and say clumsy me

Slam your book against the floor

Get up and blow your nose everytime they are up teaching you.

Everytime they cough you cough too

******

Gee thanks guys!!

Also today - I have just been told that two Christmas cards have arrived for me. It is February 22nd. The postal service out here is impressive.

Edit: The christmas cards really were christmas cards! They were postmarked 16th December in the UK and then 22nd February in the Dominican Republic - they must have been brought over by kayak. Thanks Rachel and Gaz, and Mike and Claire, I miss you, and Merry Christmas!

Uh-oh, The Lushious One is getting poxy. Chicken poxy. Fantastic.

OK here's your general advice on chicken pox. Stay out of the way of anyone you don't want to give it to. Drink loads of juice, and eat vegetable soup. Do not scratch. Use calamine to dry up the spots and stop them itching. Do not scratch. Have baths in porridge to soothe your skin. Do not scratch. Do not pick off the scabs after the pox have drained their clear ooze (ew). Get loads of sympathy off anyone who'll give it to you. Don't look in a mirror too much. Oh yeah, and if you scratch you WILL be scarred.

Glad I got poxy when I was 17. =)

Kisses xx

Matty poos, what has happened to your speech?? What on earth is man-o-man? And you, a teacher. Tut tut. Good job I aint as bad as you, boyo.

It is nearing Carnival time here, 27th is the day it all kicks off apparently. It looks like fun, a day, quote "where all of the Dominican people come together in the city streets to dance, share and delight in a celebration of joy" unquote. However, I've been told that if you don't dress up (highly enticing costume illustrated) and especially if you are a foreigner then the people like to hit you with inflated pig bladders. I don't think it's a malicious thing, but maybe I should stay out of the way for this one? Timid Tansy Alert.

Other things are cool, school is hectic, and I still LOVE teaching, The Gorgeous One is wonderful, and the weather.. OK better not mention the weather.

Said (tempting) costumage complete with pig things;

You reckon it's time for a change of look? This one is getting on my ti nerves, we could have something so much fresher. I don't have a lot of time, but I could manage something. Let me know..

Wow. He looked good today, and today was a pleasure, I wish it wasn't over. Nothing actually happened, apart from making millions of stooopid valentine's heart badges for the students, marking millions of math books and having millions of horns honked as I walked to the shops after school, but it's not the mundane (hence the absurd exaggerations) I was referring to, it was the aesthetics of the day. Hehe, naughty.

OK so some of the other teachers told me that rubbing fresh garlic into your nails makes them stronger, so J and I had a little manicure sesh this afternoon.

And we stink. Never listen to any advice that recommends fresh garlic.

curling up in a ball, listening to radiohead and drinking lots of booze I feel a lot better. OK that was a couple of days ago, but it still counts.

The weather here has been on and off, light rain, heavy rain, lightning, etc. and then in the middle of it all a patch of blue sky and brilliant sunshine. Wierd. Makes you appreciate the good weather even more. Still makes me miss England every time the sky clouds over though! Hehe.

At the moment I am missing England for - family and friends of course, cold weather, warm showers, warm baths, tea, fish and chips, clothes shopping, pubs and Spar. Yes, I said Spar. I have a Spar carrier bag in my knicker drawer that got brought along in my suitcase last September and every time I see it I dream of; clean aisles full of attractively packaged goods, endless discounts and promotions, helpful staff in red and green uniforms, the magazine rack, the vegetable display, the ready-made sandwiches, the smell of pasties and cooked chickens, and every word you could possibly read in the shop is in glorious technicolour English. Funny the things you miss.

So, I'll leave my bizarre, wistful, sentimental ramblings safely on the screen here, and go off and see my real, actual, gorgeous, here-in-the-flesh boyfriend instead. In lovely new red shoes I might add. Shoe shopping is wonderful isn't it? I don't mean to be so shallow, but even the most deep and spiritual person can't help feeling the sheer ecstasy of walking into a shoeshop, and walking out again in less than five minutes with two pairs of gorgeous shoes at fantastic prices. Excellent, darn it.

Anyway the mossies are sucking my ankles dry, must go before I lose a foot or something. Laters.. =)

I won't beat around the bush. I am depressed and I feel like hell. I know it's not the most entertaining news for you, but it's what's happening.

This morning most of my 7th graders failed their math midterm. I worked and worried and tutored so hard. All for nothing.

Then, this afternoon my dentist literally butchered me. I am left with the most repulsive looking I mouth I have ever seen.

Nothing more to add, nothing good happened. Want to curl up in a ball, listen to Radiohead and drink a lot of booze. See you later..

Wooooooo. Today the title up top look seven more fuzzy. Guess what Jessi was doing last night? Hehe.

So, I went out with B last night and we had a blast. The monument was closed off for some reason, so we went to a bar instead. Man I've never been more happy to taste a Presidente (beer) in my life. It was a special moment!! We went on to another bar after that where there was young people dancing, and then another place after that. Loads of beer, loads of music and loads of dodgy blokes.

I still can't get the hang of this dancing business. I can cope with the moves (need lessons though - am starting next week on salsa! Woohoo!) no, it's the accepting/declining dances. You see I don't know if I've explaned it or not, but here they dance in pairs and you only dance if someone comes up and asks you to at the beginning of the song. Oh yeah, and you can't leave halfway through the song. Anyway, I have been told that it's really rude to turn a man down when he has asked you to dance, and this means that I've ended up dancing with some right dodgy people - some are always trying to pull you close (real close) and you have to keep pushing them away. Some men are OK, and it's cool when someone asks you to dance and they are a good dancer themselves. But is it really bad to say no to a dance if you don't like the look of a man? I need to find out.

Ooh, on another note. I am trying to be as un-smelly as possible for a while. This is because I have found out the mosquitos are very poorly sighted and can find you primarily through smell. So if you smell strongly (good or bad!) then you have a much greater chance of attracting the little beggars. So I've stopped using perfume, deodorant, skin cream etc. - I've even switched to a neutral soap. Let's see if it works. My poor whiter than white legs and arms are peppered with bites all the time. So attractive. And so comfortable.

That's all for now. I have a beautiful hangover to nurse. I wish you were here.

Never mind homicides, suicides and lunacy being increased around full moons, in my case it is forgetfulness.

To J & R: A big sorry I forgot my keys and had to call you at 1.30 in the morning to let me in, and thank you that you did and weren't grumpy about it.

Duh.

I'm so excited it's nearly Friday! I'm going to have some fun, do some relaxing, see the man, eat some food, drink some drink.. Life doesn't get better. =) The sky is spectacular this evening, there are clouds, and they are pink and grey and heavy, and the moon is so big it looks like it is swollen.

So, I am sitting here with my feet in a bowl of vinegar and water, munching on a tomato while a dozen mosquitoes have a good go at whatever bare skin they can find on me. Not an earth-shaking revelation, but I thought I'd share it. Everytime I sit at this keyboard I forget all the interesting things that I think of during the day to share with you. Blogging impotence. Ah well. Here's something interesting - The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. Imagine.

And yes, I did tell that to the students.

He he, I can't believe my last post was actually a recipe! What is becoming of me?? Good grief.

Nothing to report at the mo folks.. sorry. The only thing that has been happening is revising for the exams with the kids, giving the exams, marking the exams and loads more dentist work (without anaesthetic - right into the nerve, too).

However, there is a four day weekend coming up, so perhaps something will happen. I'll flippin' make it happen.

Like, Wow.

You have to try this, especially if you are a vegetarian in a highly carnivorous country, or have been suffering culture shock food-wise that you have lost 50 pounds recently. In my case both apply so you should see the grin of satisfaction stretching across my mush at the moment.

First, chop up some courgette and onion into huge chunky pieces and out them in a pan with some oil and cooked rice with a lid on until they are softened and starting to brown. Then mix up an egg, some milk, salt and fresh basil and pour over the top of the veggies. Sprinkle some chunks of dutch cheese on the top and put the lid back on. Leave it. And leave it some more. In fact leave it until the egg is starting to crisp up on the bottom, is cooked on the top, and the cheese has melted into pools on the top. Now serve with some cold tomato salad and prepare for a mini rocket launch to heaven.

Like I said. Like - Wow. =)

I did a bit of soul searching last night, spend some quality time with my id to see if we could work out some inner struggles and we spouted out quite a lot of stuff together. I re-read the transcript I kept this morning and I'm amazed at how much sense it all makes sense - I thoroughly recommend it to anyone.. put aside a few hours to have a good word with yourself, and record the whole session on paper. It can sort a lot of stuff out that you had forgotten was festering inside.

Unfortunately, last nights exercise either needs editing (which defeats the object) or censoring to put it on the site for you, so email me if you want me to send it to you. I know, this is precisely the kind of thing a weblog is supposed to be for, but this one is supposed to be sprog friendly..

Hope everyone is well and happy

Love you xx

I have so much to say and yet nothing.

So I will tell you only of the large leaf I saw moving gracefully along the pavement today. There was no breeze, so I was immediately intrigued and stopped to bend down to look at it. Underneath was a tiny ant. I was impressed by that ant and for a moment I wished I was and I imagined I was that ant. I was crawling along the rocky pavement, I had to make a very zigzaggy path, and I was carrying a huge green leaf on my back. The leaf was thick and full and incredibly heavy, my back muscles were straining and my legs were tired. But I was able to carry on anyhow. Incredible.

And that is what happened. I will tell you more about ants in the future, as they actually play a suprisingly large role in life as I know it. Yeah, I know. But not now.

Aw man,

I've had some lovely emails from people over the last few days. It's so nice when people you haven't spoken to for ages get in contact.

It has made me miss everyone so much more though. I wish I could just pop round for a cup of tea and a gossip.

I'm on this side of the atlantic though, and things are going fine. The kids started back at school today, and while it has only been 8 hours of teaching, it feels like a month. I guess that's pretty normal for the first day back. I feel like taking a week to recover, mind you. Somewhere cold I think - Iceland maybe, somewhere with a hot spa and luxury accomodation. Mm Hmm.

xx

Happy Sunday guys.

I have a lorry load of work to do for school. It should really be illegal to work on a Sunday. And I should not be so lazy - is it inherited? Because I have no idea why I am so bad at this! I think it's a doubt thing. I doubt that I can knuckle down and do the work, so from there it all seems to go to pot. A confidence thing?

I found an excellent quote..

"He who has conquered doubt and fear has conquered failure. Doubt has killed more splendid projects, shattered more ambitious schemes, strangled more effective geniuses, neutralized more superb efforts, blasted more fine intellects, thwarted more splendid ambitions than any other enemy of the human race."
- James Allen

Groovy. Anyway, enough of the avoidance tactics, I must get started....

Much love xxx

Wow. This is definitely New Years Day! I woke up today with the mother of all hangovers and fuzzy memories of a lot of rum and coke in plastic glasses and a dark club.
Fantastic! Jessi is a happy bunny.
So last night started out with me being late (as usual) and having to apologise profusely. Not a good start. Then … of all things… can you flipping believe it?... it was raining. Thank goodness I’m not vain because my hair got soaked. Hehe.
Then of course I was with mi amor and everything was OK.

Bizarrely enough I seemed to miss all the fireworks and celebrations last night. I didn’t even hear a countdown, weird huh? But it didn’t really matter

We spent the evening in a groovy little bar with Dali paintings all over the walls - a bit of a theme I think. Anyway, that’s inconsequential, the bar is cool.. however, no-one was there until after 12.30, were we in the right place? Hmm. After that time it quickly filled up to bursting as is the tradition and the party atmosphere kicked in.

And I danced. Oh yes I did. And no-one had any comments for the gringa today, thank god. I was in a sensitive mood to say the least.

Skipping past all the gory details like sweaty people and bad toilets (take a club, an open bar, loud music and you can pretty much fill in the rest yourself) I can report that all in all I had a fantastic night. I know I’m not giving you much, it is hard to try and convey just what it’s like here. So many things are the same, but at the same time so completely different that I can’t experess it with mere words. I should get out there with my camera huh. Yup.

Love to everyone, I hope you had a wicked night. I thought of you all at your midnight, (my early evening) and sent you telepathic kisses and hugs. Did you get them?? ;)

Xx

Hope you all had a good one.. =)

I will report back on how the Caribbean celebrates tomorrow after I have experienced it!!!

xx

No-one reads the comments much, so I'll post this in the main blog Chris.. Nice to hear from you =)

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MAT AND JESSIKAKAKAKA,
and for that matter EVERYONE ELSE
including the Narbeth Massive, the Huddersfield
Posse and those too lazy to ever leave Brum
properly and those who think Manchester a good
place to hide.

I'll post again next year, ha!

Skol

Cx

Matt, check out how far they've come with the Bull Ring. Cool huh! I can't wait to have a bit of a nose around. Actually, now I'm thinking about it, do you fancy a trip to Brum when we get back to the UK? We could go visit the old places, see some old faces, have a beer or two in the Jug of Ale.

Say yes.

Hi to everyone in Birmingham, especially Christopher. I haven't heard from you for ages man. Are you still alive?

How do you let your fella know, without hurting his feelings, that you are in a really bad mood and don’t want to see him? This is the third night in a row.. I hope I don’t blow it.

So, I have PMT, a head cold, an upset stomach, post-Christmas blues and a bloated belly the size of Ireland. Combine this with bags under my eyes like week old gym socks (the right one is, as we speak, developing a highly attractive twitch - nice), and, as my ESL student so delicately put it yesterday – eyeballs like tomatoes. I’m glad her metaphorical skills are coming on.

And on top of this, and this really is the best bit, I went to the dentist yesterday for a clean and polish and walked out with a bill for more than ? my monthly salary. How wonderful! How absolutely fabulous! How come?
The reason for the extortionate bill is not that the dentists here are the most expensive in the world, it is that I apparently need to have a LOT of work done that I didn’t know about.

I would like to take this moment to thank my UK dentist for spotting the problems in the check up she did for me only three months ago. Especially the seven fillings, because I am sure they can’t just spring up in a matter of weeks.

Anyway, due to my terribly pathetic communication skills with “Dr. Juan Grullón Alvarez” I left the place understanding that ‘anesthetic’ meant general and not just local and that the ‘surgery’ he was talking about consisted of him ripping out all my gnashers and rearranging them, and not in fact a pretty ordinary root scaling that I have since found out he meant.

Thus, understandably, I was feeling a little delicate and had to once again let down The Luscious One. And I don’t feel much better today. I can’t neglect him again can I? He’s going to start taking it personally isn’t he?

Oh Bother.

P.S. all donations to help me through this costly periodontal time will be greatly appreciated.

Hangovers are what a good Christmas is about.

Remember the hair of the dog treatment the next day of course and things will be fine.

That said, maybe I should lay off the Cuba Libre's tonight.

Nah, what am I saying. You're only 26 once.

Feliz Navidad (Merry Chrimbo) =)

xx

Merry Christmas everyone!

I miss you all xxx

I am SO homesick. Everyone is getting excited about Christmas, the kids have broken up from school, the shops are full of last minute shoppers, everywhere is decorated and families are getting together from all over the place. I am trying my hardest not to get too down in the dumps about it, but I can’t help it. Yesterday I had the longest face ever – I am surrounded by people I don’t understand, customs I don’t know, attitudes I can’t relate to. I WANNA GO HOOOOOOOME.

OK. Pull yourself together girl. You are on a beautiful Caribbean island aren’t you? You are going out with the lushest bloke on the island aren’t you? There you are then. Count your blessings and get over it.

Cool! It's that time!
The school puts on it's Christmas production tomorrow, it's going to be fantastic. =)

The highs and lows of my thirteenth weekend here in the Dominican Republic;

First off, I had a wicked weekend with some other teachers from school, we went to Santo Domingo for Saturday and Sunday and stayed with someone’s (very hospitable) family. We went shopping (yey), we went sightseeing (yey) we ate lush food (yey) and then we got ready and went out dancing at night (yey yey yey!). At midnight in fact. And didn’t come home until the wee hours. =) And yes I danced!!! Jessi danced merengue!!! With a man!!! (a lawyer no less) and I’m so proud. Everyone said I did well, but I know they are just being kind. This kind of dancing is easier than it looks, I bet everyone was laughing at the gringa on the dancefloor. Still, I loved it, and I want to go out dancing again soon, so come on girls! We travelled back again today and stopped at a barbeque on the way., more Dominican hospitality – I feel like royalty! Anyway I’m back home now, and I have sobered up. ;-)

And secondly, something just had to happen to spoil the weekend.

I was walking to school with some books this afternoon, broad daylight, public place although no-one about, etc. etc. I was not dressed provocatively, in fact I looked pretty dreadful, my hair was knotty and so tied up in a bun, no make up on, baggy trousers and shirt 4 sizes too big, sweat patches on my back.. you get the picture. And as I was crossing the road, this guy on a motorbike stopped in my path and when I tried to walk around the back of him he backed up. I let him know I was not amused (!) and he drove off. Only to turn around and come back.. This time he drove up on the pavement and came up towards me. He blocked my path completely, trapping me between his bike and a fence and then proceeded to roughly grope me in the groin, the waist and the chest. I was fuming! (and scared). I pushed him and shouted at him to F*** Off and he lost control of his bike and drove it into the fence and I was able to get away. I was absolutely livid. Then I got thinking how easy it would have been for him to go even further, and how easy it would have been to take my bag too – thank god I left that at school earlier. Although this is a good area of Santiago, I feel rather vulnerable today, I don’t think I’ll be walking around alone a lot anymore. It makes me so cross that people can do things like that. And it makes me cross that I have to watch out for it, even expect it.

Wiped my first Dominican pooey bum today.

Ew. Teacher's planning day yesterday. That means no kids, and plenty of work to do.. and...

I could NOT concentrate. I sat at my desk with a mountain of books in front of me, I can barely see over them, and I twiddled my red ink Papermate 'med pt' pen in my fingers. Amazing how absorbing running the edge of the lid under your thumbnail is. Must remember to include it in my list of "Incredible Things I Have Done In My Life". Well, it certainly seemed worth every ounce of my attention at the time.

The pile in front of me was (cringe) backlogged marking to do, the empty lesson plan books for December and some half completed grade books. All highly important stuff that needed doing by the end of the day. I wish I could be one of these people who can just knuckle down and do the tedious stuff, but some days, ya know, it just aint gonna happen.

Ah well.

Ooh! Went up to a place in the mountains on Sunday. It was fantastic!! Have to be going there again I think..

They even celebrate that here.

So I'm off to my friend's house for a nosh up. Excellent!

The funniest thing ever happened about 5 minutes ago. I was walking home from the school, and this man on a moped went past looking at me. As I turned the corner I saw him pull into a gateway and I crossed to the opposite side of the road out of caution (glad I did). As I walked past I heard him call me - "Ssss Ssss" and I looked over and he had a huge erection out and was masturbating! Oh my word. Just the thing you want to see on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I laughed so much!

He followed me then saying obscenities that I shouldn't say online really, but I kept walking and laughing at him. Thank god he got the message before I got to the house, I'm glad he doesn't know where I am living.

Flashers are just the funniest thing on the planet though aren't they? But why do they always target me? Do I look like I'll give a good reaction? What kind of reaction do they want? I don't get the mentality at all.

Stranger still, this one was quite well-endowed... Usually they are titchy

All aboard the romance train! Next stop ; Starry-Eyed-Ville!

Blimey O Reilly! OK, so I've been seeing someone. I thought I should bring it into the open. Someone who is in fact, absolutely gorgeous and makes my tummy go all funny. And he doesn't know about this site yet, obviously. =)

And I am seeing him again tonight..

*grin

No Gorky reference, just keep catching my self singing it.

I tell you, I'm a twelve year old like the rest of the students most of the time. Always singing and giggling about nothing. Must be something in the air.

I taught outside again today - absolute bliss! I put three tables into a triangle under a tree, and surrounded the tables with benches and I took 7th grade out and we learnt how to add and subtract fractions in the dappled shade. If I had to describe my perfect job, I'd say today came pretty close. How many people get to teach fractions under a gorgeous Caribbean sky, with swaying palms, the smell of lunch being cooked and the chatter of pre-school nearby? Hehe, maybe I'm biased, but I reckon I have one of the best jobs in the world. =)

Ew.

I didn't know how yukky colds could get in hot weather. I thought they were bad enough in the U.K. Miss Jessi had a large label stuck to her today warning people that she was 'SICK!'. And boy was I sick. Hope it is one that passes soon... =)

Talk about foul.

Mat you are beating me hands down on both the content front as well as the volume... Go to it. I need to keep a sharper eye out for anecdotal type stuff.

Atchoo (excuse me) I mean Kisses...

This is not even funny. I am so hungover I can't even speak properly.

Never again...

I went out last night and spent the evening walking and talking again. In fact we walked so much we covered most of central Santiago I think.
Anyway it was nice, the air was cool, the conversation interesting, and the sounds of the night (when not traffic) were fabulous. I swear, this is what life is about.

Wowee. A whole day of planning and grading books and frying temperatures and I'm still awake.

Absolutely shattered, though. At times like this I miss mummy. And daddy.
In fact anyone who will give me a cuddle. =)

I went out for a walk with, ahem, someone last night and it was lovely! We walked up to the monument, talked and talked, drank pina coladas and everything was, well, lovely.

Yey to more of that stuff!

Well, big smiles to everyone back home today, I miss you all like crazy and I wish you were here to enjoy this beautiful place with me.

Mwah!